I have never been one to shy away from making life altering decisions in a decisive and quick way. Like the time I called my mom on my way home from a blind date professing that I had met the man I was going to marry. He sure is a dream come true.
Lately, I have been a fraction of myself. While I have a tendency towards depression and anxiety, I have really been struggling with feeling anything other than pessimistic and lazy. I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was grossly out of balance. A recent scare with my mother’s health was the smack upside the head that I needed.
So, I quit my job and went on a girls weekend.
Seriously, I did it. I walked away from a position that I had prepared years and years for. And here’s why: it wasn’t all it was cracked up to be.
I got a sense of pride from knowing that I had achieved a position that, just by its title, was accompanied with a sense of accomplishment that not many 38 year old women achieve. I was respected, accomplished and good at the job, yet, I was miserable.
I don’t like failing people. It is one of my biggest personality flaws. I have always worried about what other people think, yet, once I made up my mind, I knew that walking away was the thing to do.
Who quits their job with no back up plan? Seriously, people. We are not rolling in the dough! There is no safety net – yet, I sat down at an intimidating round table flanked by a boss that I respect and who has done nothing but support me professionally and said it: I am done.
The dream boat that I met on a blind date has something to do with my ability to recklessly walk away. His only thought was if I wasn’t happy, walk away. He assured me that we will make it work. You know what, I totally believe him.
I thought I would wake this morning in a panic. I thought for sure I would be planning my walk of shame back to that round table to beg for my job back claiming some distraught emotional decision that I regretted. The reality is I feel more calm as this day begins than I have in months.
I know what you are thinking – she must be naive or stupid. Well, I may be both but one thing you must understand is that I am anything but indecisive.
I hope you join me in this journey to figure out what to do when you know you are just done. Empty. Can’t take it anymore. Maybe you will learn from my mistakes or my bravery. Who knows. Either way, thanks for riding along.