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Hiding in the closet with coffee

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Amy Betters-Midtvedt

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After a trip to Target, during which I aged 5 years trying to pick out a shower curtain with kids that suddenly had super strong opinions about shower curtains, I offered to get the kids the new slushees at McDonald's because I wanted one. Sam said I’ll take a burger. Kate said I want fries. I said I just offered you a slushee not food. How about food and slushees? replied the negotiators. Nope. Just one thing. Or nothing. Forthelove. They said cool we’ll take a slushee. Looked up the flavors so ordering would be fast. Online it said they had fruit punch, orangeade and cherry lime. #notgooddecisionmakers Sam said he wanted raspberry. I again explained the flavors were fruit punch, orangeade and cherry lime. Which do you think is better mom? I’ve never had one guys. Just pick. I’m not getting any younger. After a million and one years everyone picked. Got to Mcdonalds and the three choices were blue raspberry, cherry lime and tropical twist. My head hit the steering wheel. Had to do the whole thing over while a giant line formed behind us. #wereterribleindrivethrus Sam asked if we could eat our food inside. I again explained we weren’t getting food. But look there’s an Incredibles toys in the happy meal. I ignored this. Got to the window and remembered I had given Ellie my debit card. Searched for cash or another card while sweating profusely. Remembered I had set up Apple Pay after the Aldi’s incident. I’ve yet to use it. After another million and one years the girl at the window and I got this to work after discovering the problem was it was waiting for my fingerprint. Got the slushees and drove home. And this my friends is a small snippet of why moms are so tired and also why we would be amazing at negotiating complex things like world peace. We don’t just go through the drive thru like normal folk, we navigate about a hundred twists and turns to do every seemingly normal everyday task. After years of this I believe we literally could do anything my friends. That is if we weren’t so darn tired. Also there may or may not be vodka in this slushee. #mcdonaldsdrivethru #slushy #makeadecision #hidingintheclosetwithcoffee #lifewithkids

You can have your kids clean the kitchen or you can have everything put away correctly. Clearly you can’t have both. #thanksforthehelp #kidscleaning #aretheymessingwithme #tryagain #shelvesareclearlyconfusing #hidingintheclosetwithcoffee #forthelove

When the high school kid perfectly modifies the elementary kid’s end of year countdown after the littler one goes to bed. This also sums up what it’s like to live with bigs and littles at the same time...sorry youngest kids. Someday you’ll think this is funny and not shocking I swear. #yesthatsthenaughtyfinger #noyoucantusethatone #sureshesintrouble #iforgottoswitchitbeforemorning #ifeelthiswayaboutmaytoo #shouldhaveseenthisonecoming #momfail #alsoiaccidentallylaughed #endofschoolyear #hidingintheclosetwithcoffee

Best friends, ice cream cones on the front porch, and deep conversation. Is there really anything better? #summer #iscreamforicecream #bestfriends #cousinlove #boyswillbeboys #hidingintheclosetwithcoffee

This. So much this. As we hang out here on the interwebs and in the world today friends...words matter. Amy❤️ #writersofinstagram #kindnessmatters #goldenrule #dalailama #wordsofwisdom #hidingintheclosetwithcoffee

$These people you guys. These people are the friends. Maybe you are lucky enough to have them too...they don't come around very often in a lifetime. If you find them even once it might be a miracle. They are ones you don’t clean for. They wouldn't be fooled by a clean house for a hot minute anyway. They are the ones who don't care what you look like so you actually downgrade to sweats and a mom bun after they arrive at your house with relief they don't care if you look at all cute. They are the ones who love your kids so much they are an honorary aunt and uncle and so your kids learn about chosen family. They are godparents to your kids, the ones we could dump our littles on in a pinch without a bit of guilt because no matter what the reason they get it. They are the ones who weep with you when you weep and laugh with you when you laugh. The ones who are there at a drop of a hat for the good times and bad. And they keep all the secrets that need to be kept. They are the ones who are supportive when your dreams involve sock puppets and writing books. The ones that encourage you to follow these dreams even if not one thing points to them being actual good ideas. They are the cheerleaders of your lives. They are the ones that you make a million plans with knowing that if even a fraction of the crazy ideas come true you will have a blast. Maybe we'll never move together to an island in Canada to live off the land but surely we'll get to an overnight at the cottage at some point. They are the ones who have seen all the sides of you and love you anyway. They are the ones you can spend a whole night talking with about nothing and everything and time just flies until you look up and all the kids have fallen asleep and it's time for them to go. And you still wish they could stay because there are still things to be said. You know there always will be. These friends are the best friends, they are the one in a million friends, the friends you that no matter how much time passes you pick up right where you left off, not a beat is skipped. And my friends, if you have even one friend like this in your life you are rich beyond measure. Amy ❤️ #bff #hidinginthec$

Last day! #lastdayofschool #thankyouteachers #putyourfeetup #educatorsrock #teacherlife #hidingintheclosetwithcoffee

We pretended it was summer vacation all weekend. It’s 7:00pm and we’re still in the car after a visit to cottage #2. The only words I can come up with to describe what tomorrow morning will be like when the bus arrives at 7:00am are swears. I can only think of swears. So...I’ll say nothing except sorry to the multiple teachers who have to deal with these sunburned, bug bit and exhausted kids tomorrow. I’d like to say I tried but I really didn’t. The sun was just too shiny and the water was just too inviting. Also the sound of my kids jumping into the water off the dock while they hold hands is my favorite. We’ll just pretend that X-day in the ABC countdown is for exhausted and we’ll be nailing it. #memorialday #summer #somuchfun #somuchfood #nomathhomeworkwasdone #andnoonesmellsgood#hidingintheclosetwithcoffee #roadtrippin

Asked Todd to pack Kate’s American girl doll for her sleepover. Ummm....all the nopes. Also where has my dear husband been been living all these years, we literally own 10 AG dolls and not one is as, shall we say, well loved as this one. Not even sure where this fine lady came from? I cannot stop laughing and also I now know my kids blindness clearly does not come from my side of the family. #mysterysolved #isthisdollyours #imsendinghertothesleepoveranyway #olddollsneedlovetoo #alsosheneedsaneyepatch #andatriptothesalon #whattheactualheck#creepydolls #hidingintheclosetwithcoffee #americangirldolls

Today this girl cut off 14 inches of her hair to donate and then decided she wanted to pack up most of her American girl dolls. So the universe clearly just told her to take one giant step forward toward the land of growing up. Basically I want to tell the universe to shut the heck up. Because for the record her mom likes baby steps....please baby take baby steps. But I know by now that’s so not the way it works. My last little girl is moving to the next chapter. So bittersweet. I look back and think it was just yesterday I was putting little plastic barrettes in her hair and today here we are. I miss that little sweet baby girl and yet at the same time I’m just honored and excited to watch this older and equally amazing version of my girl take on the world....one step at a time. Amy❤️ #hairdonation #unless #growingupsofast #americangirldolls #hidingintheclosetwithcoffee

This morning I bring you a snippet of our married texts (transcribed below for your convenience). Honestly...it’s a whole thing. I look back through my texts and think how lucky I am to be married to my husband. We are indeed #mfeo. I do not know what I would do without him or for that matter what someone else would do with me. *********************************************************************** Me: Do you know where our extension cord is for outside? Todd: ? Maybe in our room by my side of the bed. Me: Oh, probably. Thanks. Todd: That’s where everyone keeps extension cords. Me: Of course right by their summer hammocks. Todd: Yup that’s where they go. Me: We are so organized it’s ridiculous. (I look for the cords and find them right where he said they were) Me: And score! Todd: Why did you marry me? I don’t get it. Me: Because we are two peas in a pod my friend. #donteverchange Todd: Our kids have no chance. How can we ever yell at them? Me: Can you imagine how much we would drive other people nuts? If we married them I mean? And we must hide this from the kids, until they are 18 at least...pinky swear. Todd: I know we are mfeo. Me: We must pretend to be adults at least Todd: I think Ellie is on to it Me: Although I’m not sure it's very adult to pinky swear. Yup, she's pretty smart darn it. I just hope it doesn’t turn out that one of us is responsible for the smell in the van. We’ll never live that down. Todd: I know. I choose to believe it’s them. Me: Me too but I’m worrying because I'm missing at least one coffee to go cup...that’s suspicious. Todd: Ha. #marriedlife #marriedtexts #whereisit #thisisus #writersofinstagram #hidingintheclosetwithcoffee

So apparently it’s a little humid this weekend? #whowouldntwantnaturallycurlyhair #ilooklikeapeahead #imwearingaframemadeofhair #meandmymane #bringingbighairback #rockin80s #headbangersball #monicainhawaii #anotherdayanotherbun #alsoineedlipstick #summerhair #humidity #summerday #hidingintheclosetwithcoffee

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