My wife recently went out of town for a couple of days for work and left me to run this household all by myself. Piece of cake, right? Here’s how my morning went.

Alarm went off. Too damn early. I knew I needed to get 3 of my 5 kids up and ready for school. After brainstorming ways to do this without actually getting out of bed, I settled on “pinging” their iPhones with the Find My iPhone app. Despite it saying their phones were offline, I tried several times before actually submitting to leaving my nice warm bed and physically waking them up.

Referred to the agenda left by my wife of the play-by-play happening today. Who gets picked up where and when, what to make for dinner, etc.

Made coffee. Heard the older girls arguing I think. I might have said “stop” or “stop, please”.

Handed the boy a box of cereal and a spoon and said “here’s some cereal”.

Son needs field trip paperwork signed today. There are 4 pages. And then I see it’s actually due YESTERDAY. I’ve got this. I decide to leave this for my wife to help me with when she returns from her trip. #handled

Kitchen is a disaster, house is a mess. It’s all good. I usually get this all cleaned up about an hour before my wife gets back from her trips.

Burn the bagel I put in the toaster for my daughter. I think I hear her refer to my wife as “the glue that holds us all together.”

Went to great lengths to transfer money into school lunch accounts so I wouldn’t have to pack lunches. Couldn’t figure it out and had to text my wife to help me. She figured it out from another state. #winning

Older kids need $20 for Homecoming. I haven’t carried cash for what seems years. I told them I’d drop it off at school after getting everyone out the door.

1st wave of kids gone, 2nd wave up. Hard getting them up because of our late night chocolate candy bar run the night before, and they’re a little tired.

There’s a problem finding shorts for spirit day for my daughter. She’s near tears. Told her I would help her look in between making “sausages on sticks” like crazy for my 6-year-old son. It seemed like convenience food was the way to go since I hadn’t had my coffee.

OH YEAH, COFFEE. Forgot I had made coffee. What was I supposed to do again today? Referred back to the list left by my wife.

Son decides he wants mac ’n cheese for lunch. I put it on the stove 10 minutes before their bus was to arrive, and doing some quick math, realized getting them on board would be a challenge. So I gave up on the idea and decided I would drive them. Besides, I was also still looking for shorts.

Can’t find the shorts. We are now sitting down together 15 minutes before school starts, calmly making a decision between the two runner-up shorts – neither as good as the shorts we had been looking for. We passed on the polka-dots and went with the red with white stripe. No tears. #winningagain

Sat down for just a minute and had a sip of coffee.

Out the door, bringing the elementary kids to school. Dropped them off and watched them until they reached the door. #dadsreallydocare

Back home to get myself ready. Send a message to work that it looks like I’ll be late today.

Need cash. Stop at the Kwik Trip to take advantage of the no-charge ATM. And okay, to get a breakfast sandwich. Settled on an egg and cheese burrito.

Drive to the high school to drop money off for the older girls. This burrito is better than expected. Parked in the parking lot and put my daughter’s name on the envelope. Dang, this burrito is good.

Walk in the office, drop off the envelope with the money, text my daughter that it’s waiting for her, go back to my car and FINALLY leave for work. Except that burrito was so good and it’s all I can think about now. And Kwik Trip is right there, so despite being late for work, I pull back in and buy one more egg and cheese burrito. I’m not kidding…. it’s so cheesy! A perfect ratio of egg and cheese. So if you have a Kwik Trip nearby – try the egg and cheese burrito. It’s so good.