Hiding in the closet with coffee

sharing stories, promoting sanity

Amy

What I Learned About Giving After Having Kids

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If the Giving Tree isn’t the most accurate book ever I don’t know what is.

If you don’t know the story The Tree gives its leaves and branches and by the end of the book, he’s given everything to The Boy. It’s left as only a stump.

This morning I handed this child the actual shirt off my back.

She was in awe actually.

“Did you just see that? Is anyone watching this?

“Mom just stripped down and gave me her tank top,” she said with a laugh as she put it on then layered the sweater she really wanted to wear over the top.


We are the Giving Tree for our kids in so many ways.

A few nights ago we ran out of brownies before Sam could have seconds. Mine was still on my napkin so I offered it to him.

Kate replied, “Sam if you take that Mom won’t even be a stump. You’ll be digging the actual stump up out of the ground.”

I love that she gets it.

But what none of them can understand yet is in both these cases the giving to them gave me actual joy.

Before I had kids, I thought the Giving Tree was the saddest book. The boy just takes and takes and takes.

I had it all wrong.

The tree just gives and gives and gives.

There’s a big difference.

In the giving, the tree uses up all the gifts it’s been given and in return its so happy

There is such beauty in the giving when then giving is done out of love.

The giving means love.

The giving teaches our people to give.

This week I’ve seen so many ways my kids have recognized the giving.

And I’ve seen ways they’ve given to each other and the world.

They see us giving.

They feel our love.

And they carry the torch, giving back and giving forward.

The Tree was onto something my friends.

 

This post originally appeared on our Hiding in the Closet with Coffee Facebook page.

Sometimes We Just Have to Be a Mess

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Sometimes we have to let ourselves just be a mess.

It’s in the messes that we crack. And it’s in the messes that God cracks us open.

I woke up in a funk today after a wonderful day yesterday. A day full of fun and laughter and stories and time and appreciating all the things.

Then last night I couldn’t sleep.

This morning I couldn’t wake up.

I wandered around my house attempting to clean and organize and rest my way out of my own mind. Then I went to my mat in search of something…an unnamed something. My restless soul knew what it was but couldn’t let my restless mind in on the secret. I needed to try and connect the pieces of me that weren’t speaking to each other properly.

By the end of my yoga practice I found myself randomly in tears. It was the craziest thing, what was on my mind was completely unexpected.

I couldn’t stop thinking about the losses of motherhood. We get so much as moms. But we lose so much too. And it’s from this place that I just cracked.

I cracked for the times I have lost myself and for my kids that are growing so quickly and losing their littleness.and for the baby that I lost and will never mother and for all the moms that have lost a child and all the children that have lost mothers and the grief of the ages seemed to just well up like a gift I hadn’t asked for and didn’t know what to do with.

But a gift it really was.

Because it’s in the cracks God’s healing light and love can actually get IN. Not just a healing on the surface but a healing in the soul. Our souls linger just beneath these cracks and if we don’t allow ourselves to be opened up, the healing light cannot reach the dark and dear and unseen places in our hearts. The painful cracking happens when we allow ourselves to be broken down and when we allow ourselves to be quiet and when we allow ourselves to stop thinking and just be.

I can go on day after day living in the busy and in the fun and in the everyday beauty. Then out of nowhere my soul just heads for the sacred.

And I become a randomly cracked mess.

So I’m grateful today for the mess that is me. Grateful I gave myself time today to stop trying to just be happy or to just keep going. Grateful that I let myself head for the mess. Grateful for a God that is just waiting for me to come to Him for healing and love. Grateful that in healing the cracks I actually become stronger than I was before. I think that’s actually science my friends.

So today I want to remind you that it’s OK to be a mess. It’s OK to be full of cracks, your cracks are holy. It’s OK to look around at your perfectly wonderful life and feel like you are restlessly wandering. It’s OK not to be OK, and you don’t even have to have a good reason, or really any reason at all.

It might just be God waiting to get through your cracks and bring healing your soul. He’ll use your mess for beauty. Tonight as I sit with my kids I am more present, more grateful and more at peace. That’s the magic and blessing of being a messy daughter of our healing God. Amen.

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A Trip To McDonald’s Reminded Me I Can Do Anything (Including Negotiate World Peace)

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After a trip to Target, during which I aged 5 years trying to pick out a shower curtain with kids that suddenly had super strong opinions about shower curtains, I offered to get the kids the new slushees at McDonald’s because I wanted one.

Sam said I’ll take a burger. Kate said I want fries.

I said I just offered you a slushee not food.

How about food and slushees? replied the negotiators.

Nope. Just one thing. Or nothing. Forthelove.

They said cool we’ll take a slushee.

Looked up the flavors so ordering would be fast. Online it said they had fruit punch, orangeade and cherry lime. #notgooddecisionmakers

Sam said he wanted raspberry.

I again explained the flavors were fruit punch, orangeade and cherry lime.

Which do you think is better mom?

I’ve never had one guys. Just pick. I’m not getting any younger.

After a million and one years everyone picked.

Got to Mcdonalds and the three choices were blue raspberry, cherry lime and tropical twist.

My head hit the steering wheel.

Had to do the whole thing over while a giant line formed behind us. #wereterribleindrivethrus

Sam asked if we could eat our food inside. I again explained we weren’t getting food.

But look there’s an Incredibles toys in the happy meal.

I ignored this.

Got to the window and remembered I had given Ellie my debit card.

Searched for cash or another card while sweating profusely.

Remembered I had set up Apple Pay after the Aldi’s incident. I’ve yet to use it.

After another million and one years the girl at the window and I got this to work after discovering the problem was it was waiting for my fingerprint.

Got the slushees and drove home.

And this my friends is a small snippet of why moms are so tired and also why we would be amazing at negotiating complex things like world peace. We don’t just go through the drive thru like normal folk, we navigate about a hundred twists and turns to do every seemingly normal everyday task.

After years of this I believe we literally could do anything my friends. That is if we weren’t so darn tired.

Also there may or may not be vodka in this slushee.

#whyareeasythingssohard #lifewithkids#mcdonaldsdrivethru #thestoryofourtriptotarhetislonger #butimtootiredtotellit#hidingintheclosetwithcoffee

 

How My Husband Took Me on a Time Travel Journey Back to Us

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The world gets it so wrong.

I have been so worried about our anniversary because 20 years is a milestone and we should be taking a big trip. We should be on a plane or buying each other cars or at very least jewelry or something.

But our bank account didn’t get the memo.

So I wrote my husband some words as a gift. And recycled the card I forgot to give him from last year. (And then forgot to give it to him again, I am the worst).

And then with almost no money at all, my husband gave me a gift so good I am dead.

That’s right, I have died and I am writing to you from my grave.

First you have to know something about me. I love time travel with a love so big and insane that I believe time travel is 100% real.

And yesterday my husband confirmed what I already knew to be true. We actually time traveled, hence the dying.

But most importantly, do you know what we found when we went back in time?

We found us.

I hadn’t even realized we were missing but darn it all we were.

For our anniversary he surprised me by taking me back to the exact place we met, which happens to be at a nearby college campus (shout out UW-O). You guys….this man. I cannot even.

He had a walking tour set up of all our old places.

He collected video footage of the people that were there for our beginning (if you were in this know I cried at the sight of your actual face not to mention your words).

He dug out the flowered backpack he used to carry around campus for me and filled it with fun little gifts he handed to me throughout our tour.

He made reservations for us to stay in the dorms and had the room decorated just like it looked when we met, complete with the first picture he ever drew for me hanging on the wall.

He took us back in time to where it all began. With just the two of us. When we were each other’s everything.

He spent time and energy and effort thinking about us as his gift to me.

And in doing so he took us back to our roots…we time traveled.

My friends you too can go back in time and you just should.

I am here to tell you today that I get it. It is hard to move yourself out of your everyday cycle of life. Out of the pull of all you orbit around today…your kids and jobs and responsibilities and all the people who need you.

But your husband needs you too. And you need him.

Without the two of you there would be no crazy life you are juggling.

Going back to where it all began was the sweetest most amazing gift I could ever have received from my dear husband. It was a gift I had no idea I needed. We laughed and remembered and lived for just 24 hours in a world that was simpler and allowed us to focus only on each other. The past held only us.

Time travel is a thing my dear ones and you too may need to give or receive this gift today.

The world leads us to believe love is shown with money. But that is a lie.

This time travel cost him almost nothing.

But it gave us everything.

Where are the roots of you my friends? Travel back to them. Even if it’s not your anniversary. Even if it’s really hard. Even if you don’t have the time or the money. Even if it is only through a conversation on the couch after the kids are in bed. Even if it is only in your mind as you remind yourself how it all began. You can time travel anytime to anywhere. You hold this power.

Go back to that place where it all began. Where you became an us.

It is the best give you can give yourselves my friends. Take it from one who just got back from the past. It is full of gifts that are yours for the taking. Take them and share them with your love. You will be so happy you did.

 

July Grove Offer is Live!

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It’s no secret that I’m not the most organized person on the planet. This is why I love Grove Collaborative. Not only do I get items shipped directly to me each month on autoship, they also help keep me organized. I’m a total sucker for bins and baskets and anything I can throw things in. I like to be cute and APPEAR organized. So bins are my favorite.

So I’m totally excited to share this free offer with you (every now and then this is a writer’s perk, I get access to deals I can pass along to my readers, yay!). Anyway, when you place your first order of $20 from Grove Collaborative using this link you’ll get this free caddy filled with Mrs. Meyer’s dish soap, hand soap, and lotion — plus free shipping!

Seriously, I love this caddy. It’s so cute in our bathroom filled with all the girl’s hair STUFF.

Here are five other creative ways to use your Grove Collaborative caddy: 

1.Mini herb or succulent garden

I think my tallest kiddo is going to do this with my new caddy, my thumb is too brown. But if yours is green, just add a few inches of gravel or pebbles for drainage, then a layer of potting soil, and your plants.  Another benefit of the caddy: The handle makes it easy to carry your plants to the sink for watering!

2. Garden tool organizer

Here’s a gardening hack for all my green thumb friends: Turn your Grove caddy into a garden tool organizer! Fill it with a cute pair of gloves, trowel, pruning shears, hand rake, and kneeling board. Easily carry your garden tools around the yard.

3. Hair tool organizer

We’ve got this one in play. Our remodeled bathroom is super cute but low on storage space. I just stashed all the things that were overtaking the area in the caddy and I look super organized. Ha! We all know the truth. 

4. Pet toy holder

My cats are just as messy as my kids. Fill the caddy with all the toys that are under your feet. The best part is the animals can reach right in and grab them. 

5. Ice chest

This caddy is just the right size to hold ice and a few bottles of wine or lemonade. It’s easy to carry outside, and so much cuter than a plastic cooler. 

Here is how to get yours for free!

  1. Sign up for Grove Collaborative here. New customers will receive these freebies:
    • Mrs. Meyer’s hand soap
    • Mrs. Meyer’s hand lotion
    • Mrs. Meyer’s dish soap
    • Grove cleaning caddy
  2. To receive this offer, your order needs to be a minimum of $20. Choose the combination of products and scents you love and receive your first box within a few days.
  3. You made it! Click Finish & Pay and place your order.
  4. Existing customers won’t miss out. You will receive a free Grove Collaborative scrubber sponge just for ordering through this link.

Tip to save: Once you have submitted your Grove order, you will be signed up for the free 60 day VIP trial. For 60 days, save even more with free shipping, free gifts, price matching, exclusive sales and personal service.

 

 

The Mother’s Day Tradition That’s Saving My Sanity

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OK friends. Let’s talk Mother’s Day.

Before you read what I am going to suggest, I need you to know I love my kids. I cherish time with them. But my favorite tradition doesn’t involve them at all. Don’t hate me.

And also know I went through so many versions of Mother’s day before settling on my favorite plan. 

The cold breakfast in bed surrounded by kids as they “help” you eat the food they made. And really you’re OK with it because you’ve legit never saw a bowl of cereal with that much milk in it and you weren’t super hungry for eggshells anyway. 

The mad gift buying and then trying to travel around to celebrate all the moms in your world and being plumb exhausted at the end of the day.

The getting the kids ready for Sunday Mother’s Day mass only to have this process reinforce your suspicion that you have indeed completely run out of patience.

There is beauty in all this I know. As moms, we are so good at finding the joy in the sticky smiles and homemade cards and the blessing over the moms during church. I love those parts with all my soul.

But we moms also know that with this beauty comes the sitting in the middle of an argument about who actually made most of the breakfast.

We also know we might find a kitchen that needs so much cleaning when we walk downstairs.

We know that they lose interest in our day being all about us within roughly 30 minutes and that we are bound to find ourselves yelling, “It’s Mother’s Day FOR THE LOVE. Can you not stop fighting/pick up your stuff/give me 30 minutes of quiet on even MY OWN DAY?”

And the pressure of the day to be perfect would often leave me feeling disappointed and exhausted because of all the expectations. Trying to make it all special while also mothering (or trying to avoid mothering so you can rest…but let’s face it if we are in range of the kids we are mothering no matter how much our husband tries to shield us) can spiral us out of control. As can the waiting for our families to read our minds and make our day perfect for us.

So, my friends, I think I have the answer. My family has settled on the best Mother’s Day tradition and if you can pull off a version of this I swear your day might be filled with the joy you imagine it can be.

Here’s how it works.

First. I am super lucky to have found myself living in the same town as 2 of my 3 sisters and my mom. I know, it’s the best. And every Mother’s Day we take the gift pressure off and have just one gift to buy my mother, a book we think she would love. So the gift pressure is totally kept to a minimum, score.

Second, my sisters and I ditch our families and take my mom shopping, out to eat and sometimes we even throw in a pedicure. I am out of my house with the moms I love the most doing some of the things we love the most. Total win.

Throughout the day we present my mom with her books, she is the star of the show after all, and we also try and be sure and get her an amazing card which she then uses as a bookmark for her Mother’s Day read. The goal, of course, is to make her tear up with the most perfect card. Sibling rivalry without the fighting…another win.

By the end of the day, I return home to my own celebration, or maybe a celebration that also includes my awesome mother-in-law if I’m lucky.

My family has had time to get their acts together, to make some food, to make sure the house is clean-ish and to get all the sibling angst out of their systems.

I am totally filled up and rested after my day away. I am patient. I am able to find the joy. I have a bag filled with TJ Maxx deals to focus on if my kids cannot stop arguing about who sits next to me.

This tradition makes my Mother’s Day predictable (read: easy on our fabulous husbands) and fun. Find that thing that will be the same for you. Then nail it down and call it a tradition. As in “Of course I can’t wait to celebrate with you guys but Carol and I always go to a movie on Mother’s Day. It’s a tradition. See you later!”.

And my friends, maybe the thing that fills you up is being with your kids all day, hats off to you. Go for it.

But if you want to spend your Mother’s Day doing a little something to celebrate you and your favorite moms, a little getaway might be just what the doctor ordered. Carve a little corner of fun for yourself to rejuvenate and reflect on how lucky you are to be a mom in the first place. And a chance to miss my kids always makes me more thankful for them, I’m pretty sure that’s just science.

Don’t be afraid to do you on Mother’s Day…it’s your day, you can own it. Or at least a few hours of it. And the sound of your people yelling, “Mom!” when you walk back in the door will be all the sweeter when you return.

 

My Favorite Things: Grove Collaborative

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In real life, I love to pass along my favorite things and I love to get a deal and share it with my friends. It’s just so fun.

Today I get to share one of my favorite things with you right here on the interwebs. It’s a little thing called Grove Collaborative and the folks there are making my life so much easier. And this month you can get FREE STUFF just for trying them! I love this awesome company because they committed to bringing you the best products for the environment. Plus their auto-ship keeps this family going because we all know how I am with ordering dishwasher pods.

Right now, new customers simply place a $20 order on Grove and get:

Free Mrs. Meyer’s hand soap

Free Mrs. Meyer’s dish soap

Free Mrs. Meyer’s hand lotion

Free Grove Replaceable Head Dish Brush (super useful and looks cute on your counter)

Free Shipping & 60 Day VIP Trial

Existing customers, we haven’t forgotten you. Click through my link and you will get free Grove walnut scrubber sponges, which I love.

Also, Mrs. Meyer’s is the best smelling natural cleaner out there. My current favorite is Basil…I think it smells like Colors by Benetton. Who remembers that perfume? Anyone? Or am I old?

Just use this link to order! It’s that simple!

I’d love to hear how much you love your stuff when you get it!

 

 

**FYI we make a little something each time you shop through our link. You won’t see many like this from us, but from time to time we will pass along only the deals we think are awesome and that are actually things we love and use.

How One Burnt Pizza Changed Our Parenting

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You guys, this is what I came home to tonight.

My kids have lost all their electronic devices. I’m not sure when they’ll get them back or if soon you’ll be able to buy them on eBay.

And there’s my husband who was yelling…”Is this what you want? A burnt pizza life?!?”

You see, they had one job, take the pizza out of the oven while Todd took Sam to yoga.

But Fortnight and Fuller House and a bunch of other weird apps beckoned and this is what Todd came home to.

Devices are a whole thing my friends.

We monitor and regulate and have good discussions and still…charred pizza for dinner.

Todd is threatening to shellac this thing and nail it to the wall Everybody Loves Raymond style. So we remember what happens when we don’t pay attention.

Burnt pizza is really the least of it…burnt relationships are the worst.

All I know is that parenting in the age of devices is a WHOLE THING. We are constantly learning and regrouping and trying to keep them from needing years of chiropractic care because they are always looking down.

Tonight they burned a pizza. It’s a little thing.

But it’s also so much more. It’s a chance to talk and teach and remind them to pay attention to the world beyond that device in their hand.

This is the reality of parenting that we live in and we have to be on guard.

On guard for these darn devices taking too much of their time and on guard that they don’t take too much of ours.

So I’m writing to you from my phone to remind you to put down yours.

And be sure there’s a time when all your people put down theirs.

We need time to look in each other’s eyes and teach them the lessons and make sure our people see the difference between the world in the shiny little box and the world in real life.

Especially if they’re in charge of dinner.