Hiding in the closet with coffee

sharing stories, promoting sanity

Amy

A Prayer for All Parents at the End of the School Year

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Dear Lord

Deliver us from halfhearted lunch-packing and complete lack of backpack checking. Please see us through the nights when the sun is up later than our kids and yet they have to go to bed because the bus is inexplicably still arriving to pick them up each morning.

Please carry us through the endless stream of May-induced special events and programs and projects and help us to see that they are special and fun and not indeed designed to kill us all.

Please give us the strength to keep our eyes on our kids through baseball games, choir concerts, award ceremonies and soccer matches. Let them feel the love that propels us to sit in on those hard bleacher seats, even while we stealthily play a round of Candy Crush on our phones. Because really, we are barely hanging on and our distraction doesn’t mean our applause is not genuine. We have just seen them do so many of the things this year and our eyes are tired.

Please Lord, keep us from completely throwing in the towel and packing old Easter candy as a main lunch attraction. Help us to at least upgrade to prepackaged yogurt and applesauce and the occasional Little Debbie snack cake. For we must maintain some standards.

In the moments when we are sure we cannot maintain our sanity and help with one more history timeline, one more math sheet or one more book report, please remind us that there is a teacher on the other side that has to grade that thing and make us merciful and remind us to toss a prayer their way.

May teachers, too, be merciful when we ask for a third permission slip to the end of school field trip as of course, we’ve lost the first two. And when we forget pajama day. And when our kids are wearing pants that are too short because we’re barely sliding through to shorts season. And also when my kids tell you that they were up eating ice cream and playing the iPad until 9 p.m. last night. They are unfortunately telling the truth and therefore may not be at the top of their game because the bedtime struggle is real. Please forgive our sins and know that they are sins of utter and total desperation.

Please dear God, let the sports jerseys and overdue library books appear out of the various piles when summoned. Let the clean socks and underwear multiply like the loaves and fishes. And let everyone agree that frozen pizza and waffles five nights a week is a valid new nutritional plan that may lack in variety but will at very least certainly not kill us before June.

And most of all, please dear Lord, let us make it through May without completely losing our minds, our children or the will to go on. Because all three are being called into question tonight.

Amen

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The Reality (and Beauty) of Love When Kids Come Between You

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Sam: What are you guys doing? Wait…I’m missing out on the hugging? Let me in there!

As he runs across the room and jumps in, I realize this moment perfectly sums up love during the years of parenting

So often the kids come right in between us.

A date night that never happens because someone throws up while you’re getting ready to leave. So you change from those new cute jeans, wipe off your lipstick and pull the yoga pants and stained Mom sweatshirt back on. And instead of sharing appetizers and a cocktail, you start negotiating who will wash the kid and who will clean up vomit. #romance

A conversation cut off for the millionth time because there is a math homework emergency and a story about Minecraft and a friend crisis all interrupting your words so many times you can’t even think. So you give up and then wake up in the middle of the night realizing you never did find out what happened with your husband’s co-worker

A weekend away that never happens because there’s a sports tournament for child #3 out of town and the trip budget only supports one get away. So instead you spend the weekend at a waterpark with a million families and have to settle a quick drink together at the hotel bar while you wait for the pizza and nachos you ordered for the kids in the pool to be done.

Yet another night where all you get to do is hold hands across your babies sleeping body because she is teething and nursing on demand is the only way.

There are so many ways our babies interrupt our love.

But see his arms wrapped around our legs?

Our babies pull us together too. We’re in the trenches together my friends.

We remember we deal with all of these things as a team. Stealing our time when we can.

Kissing in the kitchen while making lunches.

Staying up way too late watching Netflix and falling asleep in the couch.

Deciding that a trip to Target to pick up prescriptions and snacks and new towels and a $5.00 bottle of wine counts as a date because you are there without kids.

Dropping the kids off at the grandparents on an anniversary so at least we’re in our house alone…who needs a hotel?

These are the years my friends…

They want to be a part of our love. They ARE a part of our love, a wonderful, messy, interrupting, endearing, irreplaceable part. They have made us a family.

These are the things we will look back on when someday the house is still. When we can eat together and talk together in the never-ending quiet.

So today, we rejoice that he is here to wiggle in between us. It just means we have to hug each other a little bit tighter to be sure the other can feel it through our sweet boy. Not a bad deal at all.

❤Amy

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I Think About It Everyday

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I think about it every day.

When I drop my kids off at school and watch them walk into the building, I wonder if today will be the day I should have kept them home. If I’ll say “If only they had been sick or had taken different classes or had a different lunch.”

When I hear a midday siren. I wait and try and steal a look at Facebook to see if anything has happened or I wait for the email or the robo call saying I need to rush to the school.

When I get a text from a kiddo that is just “Mom” then silence. I don’t think they got busy or got caught texting in class. I wonder if that text is the last I’ll ever get, their way of saying goodbye.

When I’m sitting in a meeting, I’ll take a minute to look around and plan my escape route out of the school I love working for, we’ve been trained for that now.

When I look at my kids’ teachers I wonder if they will someday be called upon to protect my babies actual lives when really they should only have to think about teaching them to read.

And I wonder when this will end.

Will I ever in my lifetime not have to have these thoughts?

Will it be even worse for my kids when they send their babies to school?

Will there ever be an end to the parents for whom my dark thoughts are today’s reality?

Will there ever be an end???

We can no longer assume we are doing everything right in this country. We need to look to those who send their students off to safe days at school and we need to LEARN SOMETHING.

We need to change what we are doing because it’s not working it’s only falling apart faster and faster.

The time is now my friends, because we’re already making a change too darn late.

 

Why I Refuse to Be Defined by What’s Left Undone

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It’s the end of the day.

3 1/2 out of 5 tuck-ins complete.

And then I see this at the bottom of the stairs and I’m weary in my bones. Too weary to put it all away.

And I know this will be what is left undone today.

Yes the kids should have taken care of this themselves.

And yes I could teach them a lesson by making them get out of their beds to do it now.

But they didn’t and I won’t.

And so tonight this will remain undone.

Each day there’s something we leave undone here…

Sometimes it’s the lunches for tomorrow.

Sometimes it’s a load of laundry in the washer.

Sometimes it’s a stinky kid we put to bed without giving him a bath.

Sometimes it’s a kitchen that looks like it’s exploded.

Sometimes it’s emptying a backpack.

Sometimes it’s a sea of Legos in the living room.

Because this is parenting. There is quite literally always something to do. Our job is just never, ever done.

And whatever is not done when I reach my end will wait until tomorrow, because I know that the success of my day is not about what I finish.

It’s about what I did.

And today I tended to three sick kids.

And made a million trips up and down the stairs to get new, fresh water and books and lovies.

And made everyone’s favorite dinner.

And listened to stories of days at school.

And helped a kid with insane homework.

And hugged my tallest kid for a super long time.

And laughed with my boys at a silly movie.

And kissed all the foreheads in the house.

Today I loved my people.

So I refuse to be defined by what I don’t get done. Life is just too short to use that as our measuring stick.

{Also I believe God wants me to sit on the couch at night, grateful for what I have done, instead of running around in exhaustion trying to do all the things. He loves me well like that and I’m pretty sure He doesn’t care about shoe piles.}

Because if we have loved our people, and laughed with them, and kissed their foreheads…then we have accomplished the things that matter.

We have lived a glorious day in our lives and no pile of shoes and mayhem at the bottom of the stairs or stacks of dishes in the sink or wads of laundry in the washer mean a thing.

We have done the work God wants us to do. And we can sit on the couch and see that it is good. {Also we can turn on Netflix and pour wine.}

Amen.

Amy

A Letter to My Children About Their Attempts To Clean

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Dear Children who just “finished cleaning”,

Let me be clear about one thing.

I see that you are trying, I really do. But oh my word I feel like making you all eye appointments after looking at the results of your last attempt at cleaning your rooms.

I really shouldn’t have to remind you that I am going to check the corners, I figure you know I have eyes to see and that you have them too and that you understand items do not just turn invisible simply because you push them in the corner.

Guess what? I CAN STILL SEE ALL THE STUFF. I DO NOT UNDERSTAND…CAN’T YOU???

The middle of the floor is clean, true, but the pile of stuffed animals and papers and pencils and glitter and general garbage in every corner means that your room is not actually clean. We’ve been through this.

Also, your closet doors should be able to shut, if there is too much stuff on the floor in front, your room is not clean.

And if I open your closet doors and my life is in danger from an avalanche of toys and stinky socks, your room is not clean.

If none of your dresser drawers actually close and it looks like your wardrobe is trying to make a hasty getaway, your room is not clean.

While we’re chatting about cleaning here’s a few tips for other rooms as well.

If I walk into the bathroom and all the cabinet doors are open and I have to wade through wet towels to replace a clearly empty toilet paper roll with the half used one on the floor, the bathroom is not clean.

If I walk into the kitchen and the dishes are done but there are crumbs everywhere and a tower of recycling by the sink and a dirty pot on the stove that I don’t want to wash either, the kitchen is not clean.

If there are 7 socks on the floor covering a pile of stray lego pieces (a really, really bad attempt at camouflage sweet children) and all your spaceships are stacked up on top of each other next to the couch and there is a tower of books and miscellaneous crap balancing on the end table the playroom is not clean.

If there is a pile of coats and backpacks and shoes on the bench in the back hall while all of the hooks are empty and I can’t see the rug because it’s covered in mittens and hats then the back hall is not clean.

You are loved.

You are cherished.

And you are not fooling anyone.

No one appreciates your half-assery my dear ones.

Get it done right the first time and I will look less like a crazy person with smoke coming out of my ears and you will not have to listen to this lecture every, single time it’s time to clean something.

Doesn’t that sound good? You can do this. I have faith in you.

Love,

Your Mom

(Who is starting to wonder if maybe you’re just messing with me, because really??)

Lessons From a Remodel… A Wrap Up

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OK friends. Jen Hatmaker’s people never called us for the next season of My Big Family Remodel (seriously, how could they not?!?) But since our kitchen remodel has drawn to a close without my own show, I’ll have to settle for sharing a few lessons we learned here instead.

First lesson, good people make everything better.

Seriously, we were so lucky with the contractors we chose. The people at Finding Time were so beyond amazing that every part of our experience was a delight. Of course issues came up and timelines changed because that is the nature of a remodel and heck my friends, of LIFE.

But the good people of Finding Time made everything better and easier.

Each person we came in contact with was so kind and helpful and cheerful. From Randy’s super patient emails, to my new friend Stephanie helping me pick out all the things, to Troy who was so thorough and honest to each and every person who worked on lights and plaster and cabinets and floor and plumbing….everyone was just wonderful.

When faced with choices (I’m the world’s worst decision maker) they kept things within our budget and made everything beautiful with awesome suggestions. Each and every person arrived on the scene to the total chaos of us trying to get 5 kids off to school and 2 adults off to work and just patiently and kindly worked around us. There was total flexibility in working through quotes and timelines. Countertops were backordered and yet they had our kitchen up and running for Christmas. A light arrived broken and no problem. When the new one arrived someone was on our doorstep to put it in. They gave expert advice and thought of things that were way better than anything I could have thought up.

In short, each and every person was friendly and helpful and kind and patient and seriously reminded me that how we treat people matters. It just makes all the difference in the world and made what could have been way more stressful into something we could handle. What a lesson.

When you find people that get this as a part of their business model you want to shout it from the rooftops. So consider this blog as my rooftop. If you live near me and need work done on your home call Finding Time immediately. You will never regret it.

Outside of the awesome people that did the work, the awesome people in our life helped us through the chaos. From helping us to organize to looking at endless floor samples to a million meals being dropped off our family came through in a big way. They basically fed us through the month of December and my parents had the added pleasure of 7 extra people staying with them for the good part of a week, including school days. For the love…their reward with clearly be great in the land.

Anywho my friends, we’ve once again learned the value of good people. It’s a whole thing. We need to be good people for each other to help us all get through this crazy life.

Other random lessons include the fact that the only thing that makes the holidays more chaotic is not having a working kitchen, you can still have Christmas without making a single cookie, having a door on all your cabinets is really a nice touch, frozen pizza tastes only slightly better in a super cute kitchen, and once your living space looks more Pinteresty nothing in your real life actually changes because there is no kitchen on this Earth that can make kids’ lunches for you. I just smile a little more while (watching Todd) making them.

Enjoy some pictures from the adventure!

A few BEFORE pics (not pictured, the drawer that has been missing in the island for three years, if you look to the left you can just see the missing cabinet door, and the countertop lifted pretty much clean up off the top of the island. Not really a thing wrong with the look of the place, just things were starting to fall apart):

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

DURING (also thankful for all our free demo labor #familyisthebest):

 

 

 

 

AFTER (Praise the dear LORD and welcome to my overshare and the real reason for the remodel, an island all five kids can sit around):

New Parents, You Can’t Possibly Know

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New parents…you can’t possibly know.

I just found this picture behind another photo in a frame and I’ve unearthed a memory. I see young me about 3 weeks into my mom journey and I couldn’t possibly have known.

In fact I’m glad I didn’t.

I was working so hard and was so consumed with figuring out this tiny creature. I’m smiling and behind that smile I remember being so worried about how I’d feed her during church that day. It seemed impossible. Maybe because of those crazy bib overalls. I’m not a planner.

And there was always so much to think about…

Was she eating enough?

Why didn’t she sleep?

What was I supposed to do with her when she was awake? She would just look at me…like now what?

Was she happy?

Seriously, shouldn’t she sleep more?

The first day we brought her home no joke we couldn’t even figure out what to do with her when we ate. So we put her in the center of the table and just looked at her over supper.

We couldn’t possibly have known.

There was so much more ahead of us.

We couldn’t have known how it would be to eventually leave her with someone else while we went back out into the world. How we would have fun with part of ourselves while the other part counted the minutes until we were with her again. We were forever changed.

Or how amazing it would be to hear her first word. How we would keep a running list and gloat over it as if no child had learned to speak before.

Or how hard it would be to send her off to her first day of school….how I would watch the clock and worry over if she’d made friends or had enough to eat or had maybe been a little sassy.

Or how I would wake up over and over worrying when she was on her first sleepover (OK all sleepovers to this day, I like my people in their own beds) wondering if she was cold or homesick or safe.

Or how we would watch in amazement as she walked onto the stage for the first time, taking her talents from our living room into the actual world…how she had become this whole separate person.

Or how we’d send her to middle school and then high school as she grew as tall as us and began this whole life we were only watching, suddenly on the sidelines cheering her on but no longer playing in the game.

Or how we’d bury the pit in our stomachs and hand over the car keys. And that we’d survive a crash (or two).

Or how we’d start to prepare our hearts for her leaving us to go into the world, even as that does not seem like it will really happen.

Because we can’t know how that will feel.

Just like we couldn’t possibly have known the love we had for this tiny baby would do nothing but grow right along with her.

All we could handle was wrapping our minds around this gift and keeping her alive.

And that’s pretty much still true today.

But I’ve learned it’s what is right in front of you that matters. We can’t possibly know what is coming next. And worrying about it or trying to predict it can steal the joy of what is right in front of us.

I look at young me and in addition to wanting to tell her to lose those horrible bib overalls, I want to tell her it’s OK.

Your baby will eat. You’ll not only figure out how to feed her in church but also pretty much anywhere.

You’ll even survive her future attempts to go vegan. It will be a whole thing.

And someday all she’ll do is sleep…you’ll actually have to pry her from her bed.

And this journey you’re on will be so much fun. There will be bumps but you’ll all be OK.

Because you already know the secret. It’s the only thing you really need to know.

You know how to love this baby…this child…this crazy teenager.

You know love. And because of that so does she.

You’ve got this mama…even when you feel like you don’t. Because you have love and that love will see you through all of it.

10 Must Read Books for Every Family

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I am a big believer in the family read aloud. You can read a quick chapter after dinner, before bed or even in the morning before school if your people are more organized than mine.

The best thing about reading to your kids for me is that brings your family JOY through a shared experience that doesn’t entail you ever leaving the house. We are all about finding (& creating) joy around here and finding awesome experiences that cost very little (or nothing if you are a savvy library user). Win/win.  Plus, reading together opens up the door for so many powerful conversations we wouldn’t have had otherwise.

Still not convinced? Reading to your kids at any age is proven to make them better readers. This article in Reading Rockets sums it up in one of the best ways I’ve seen, “Reading aloud is the foundation for literacy development. It is the single most important activity for reading success (Bredekamp, Copple, & Neuman, 2000). It provides children with a demonstration of phrased, fluent reading (Fountas & Pinnell, 1996). It reveals the rewards of reading, and develops the listener’s interest in books and desire to be a reader (Mooney, 1990).”

To get you started here are 10 of our family favorites. We have kids ages 6-16 so there is something for everyone here. Don’t be afraid to read something a little harder than what your kids can read on their own, as a teacher I always aimed up in our read alouds. By the same token my high schoolers still crack up at some books that are way easy for them. This list has books from a variety of levels that everyone can enjoy listening to.

**Simply click on the title or picture of the book to order through Amazon. We are members of their affiliate program so we do receive a percentage of all sales made through this post which helps offset the cost of running our blog. We are forever grateful to you for ordering through us!**

Wonder

The story of Auggie Pullman who was born with Treacher-Collins syndrome. This story showcases the power of kindness to change lives and is a must read for everyone of any age. Also should be read before you see the movie because that’s a good life rule.

A Wrinkle in Time (Time Quintet)

This book is about to be a movie as well, so now is the perfect time to read it to your kids. This family favorite led to so many great conversations about the power of family and the power of love. Side note, it was my favorite book in 6th grade and it was so fun to read this to my kids from my tattered middle school copy.

Half Magic (Tales of Magic)

Half magic is the story of a group of cousins that find a magic coin, but it only brings them half the magic of whatever they wish for. It was such a fun read aloud, filled with adventure and humor. If your kids loved Harry Potter they will love this one too.

Skinnybones

Every student I have read this with has loved it and my kids cracked up at the adventures of Alex Frankovitch, as he struggles to fit in. You will laugh cry and quote this one forever.

The Miraculous Journey of Edward Tulane

An awesome read, especially if your kids have a lovey. In this one Edward Tulane is the stuffed bunny friend that falls overboard on a ship and then has a ton of adventures as he makes his way home. Some of this book is pretty deep but there was something for everyone here as well. Plus anything by Kate DiCamillo rocks.

Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone

These are the best audiobooks ever (special audiobook offer at the end of the article). If you have seen the movies already I seriously still recommend reading these aloud. My 4th grader kept saying, “Oh that’s why that happened! There’s so much more in the book!” Completely worthwhile to show why the book is always still important.

Out of My Mind

The story of Melody, a girl who is unable to move or communicate, but whose mind is filled with brilliance. This is one my kids listen to over and over and is filled with lessons about overcoming obstacles and that there can be way more to people with disabilities than meets the eye.

The Sisters Grimm

This series captured me just as much as the kids. This is the ultimate fractured fairy tale and you may find yourself going back and forth between this and your classic fairy tale book as you read about the adventures of two sisters who discover their family is so much more than they ever knew. There are a ton of books in this series and we’ve read them all over and over.

Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing

This classic is just as good today as it was when my third grade teacher read it aloud to our class. Sibling rivalry, friendship troubles, and hilarious antics are all reasons why this book has stood the test of time.

The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe (The Chronicles of Narnia)

This series should be required reading for everyone. Loved it as a child and I feel like I learned more reading this to my kids. C.S. Lewis packed this series with wisdom for living life and will give you a ton to talk about.

One last note. If you don’t feel you have time to read aloud, listening to books on Audible is another great way to get that read aloud in! We actually listened to the entire Harry Potter series one summer driving to and from various summer destinations. We would sit in the driveway for 20 minutes after arriving home to finish a chapter! Audiobooks aren’t just for the car, you can listen in your living room or all our kids listen to books as they fall asleep. We have an offer for you below…2 free books just for trying their service! Give it a whirl and let us know what you think!