We were all so tired, so in love with these babies, trying so hard to figure out these lives we were now in that we couldn’t have dreamed of a year ago.

We were moms. And we were figuring it out together.

As we sat the conversation turned to work. It was time for some of us to leave our babies and head back to work and this time was hard.

One mom, who was planning on staying home piped up, “I’m so glad I’m not going back. I think the mom should stay home you know? I just could never leave my baby.”

It’s over 20 years later and I can still feel how these words stabbed me right in the heart.

I think the mom should stay home.

I was the mom.

I was going back to work.

I was choosing to leave my baby, and therefore making the exact wrong decision because how could a mom do that?

And just like that my relationship with that mom was changed forever. I didn’t say a thing, I just curled up into myself in my heart to get away from that pain I was feeling.

What I couldn’t see over 20 years ago was this was all because of me and not because of her or because of what she said.

You see, I was still feeling my way and walking on wobbly legs into motherhood and so with that one statement all my own insecurities and fears and doubts came rising to the surface. And instead of owning them or dealing with them, I blamed her.

So often we do that don’t we?

We fight with other moms about life choices that they are making for their children and families.

We judge other moms for things they are doing or not doing.

We set ourselves in a camp and just don’t budge…because if they are right we must be wrong and that does not feel good.

Now over 20 years later I can see we were both right. Who knew?

I was making the exact right choice and frankly the only choice I could have made in that moment and if I could go back in time I would whisper in young and exhausted me’s ear to be gentle with that other mom.

She was only speaking her own doubts and fears out loud to us. Maybe she wondered about her own choice and needed to hear it was OK. Who knows? But it had nothing at all to do with me.

Either way I was going to be the best mom for my sweet baby and all the babies that followed just like she was going to be the best mom for hers.

Even if we made vastly different choices along the way.

We could each only walk in our own story. We had no business judging the story of the other.

And walking in love and support would have made things so much better for each of us.

So today, stand strong in knowing you are just the exact right mom your child needs right at this moment. No other mother could do it better, you are the one that loves that child God gave you with all of your heart and that is the north star by which you are steering.

Do not steer by anyone else’s star and don’t let them tell you you should.

You’ve got this my friends. I wish I would have known then that I did too.