You did WHAT?
I have never been one to shy away from making life altering decisions in a decisive and quick way. Like the time I called my mom on my way home from a blind date professing that I had met the man I was going to marry. He sure is a dream come true.
Lately, I have been a fraction of myself. While I have a tendency towards depression and anxiety, I have really been struggling with feeling anything other than pessimistic and lazy. I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was grossly out of balance. A recent scare with my mother’s health was the smack upside the head that I needed.
So, I quit my job and went on a girls weekend.
Seriously, I did it. I walked away from a position that I had prepared years and years for. And here’s why: it wasn’t all it was cracked up to be.
I got a sense of pride from knowing that I had achieved a position that, just by its title, was accompanied with a sense of accomplishment that not many 38 year old women achieve. I was respected, accomplished and good at the job, yet, I was miserable.
I don’t like failing people. It is one of my biggest personality flaws. I have always worried about what other people think, yet, once I made up my mind, I knew that walking away was the thing to do.
Who quits their job with no back up plan? Seriously, people. We are not rolling in the dough! There is no safety net – yet, I sat down at an intimidating round table flanked by a boss that I respect and who has done nothing but support me professionally and said it: I am done.
The dream boat that I met on a blind date has something to do with my ability to recklessly walk away. His only thought was if I wasn’t happy, walk away. He assured me that we will make it work. You know what, I totally believe him.
I thought I would wake this morning in a panic. I thought for sure I would be planning my walk of shame back to that round table to beg for my job back claiming some distraught emotional decision that I regretted. The reality is I feel more calm as this day begins than I have in months.
I know what you are thinking – she must be naive or stupid. Well, I may be both but one thing you must understand is that I am anything but indecisive.
I hope you join me in this journey to figure out what to do when you know you are just done. Empty. Can’t take it anymore. Maybe you will learn from my mistakes or my bravery. Who knows. Either way, thanks for riding along.
Proud of you Erin for listening to your inner self. I know you will rock the world in a different way … You just have to find it , so have fun along the way !
Thank you, Diane. I am so grateful for all my experiences and, even more importantly, the PEOPLE who changed my life for the better. You being one of them.
Sometimes when you’re on empty, the only thing that can fill you up is a life changing decision. I admire your bravery and I hope you find something to fill you up too! Love you and think about you ladies often!
Thank you, Tanya. I couldn’t be more proud of your new exciting adventures. You will do great things and they are lucky to have you. Be brave!!
Wow! I really enjoyed reading your blog! Congrats! BTW……love the name!
Thanks, Lindsey. Life is better with coffee, isn’t it.
Congrats Erin!! So proud of you for taking a leap of Faith!! You got this! You do in fact have an amazing husband and family not to mention your pretty cool friends that are here for you every step of the way!! Love you
Thanks, Shannon! I am a lucky lady in so many ways. I am blessed to know so many amazing moms and women…like YOU!
I admire your ability to ask yourself what you want…and then do it! I ask, then I comply with the status quo. Many wishes for happiness, Erin.
Thank you, Mollie. I hope our paths cross again soon!
Good for you! When I heard you took that position, I actually worried about you. It didn’t seem like you at all…But I was happy if you were happy. I did a similar thing when I moved to Pittsburgh….quit a job with no backup plan. Granted, I loved my job…But I also found out it wasn’t all that it was cracked up to be and because I followed the man of MY dreams, I am ridiculously happy and calm most days. Good luck in your adventures!
It was an amazing experience, Stacie. I miss the people so much!
Two years ago I walked away from a business career because I was so tired of not having time for my family and definitely no free time for me. I am now the happiest I have ever been, doing something I never imagined. My cup is full! Sometimes the hardest decisions lead to the most wonderful outcomes..
Thank you for sharing your experience. It is scary and I still hope it will all turn out well but oddly, I don’t regret choosing my family. The thing I struggle with is how to support women who feel the way I felt and don’t have the option to walk away, for whatever reason. How do we rally around those women and help to fill their cups, too. My very best to you and may your cup continue to be full.
I always regretted not saying how much respect I had for you before you left, Erin. I appreciate your blog and having this opportunity. Your base of knowledge was great and you had the cool head and common sense that all teachers look to for guidance. While teachers and students alike will miss your support, you continue to have my greatest respect. You will continue to do great things. I have no doubt. Thank you!
Sue, Your kind words fill me up! Thank you for your support and friendship. My best to you, Mrs. Curtis!
I felt like you were saying and feeling the things I have felt so often. You are incredibly kind, smart, unique and worthwhile….that will never change no matter what you do. Sometimes women have so much pressure, usually from themselves and what they perceive others to believe. By trying so hard to be good at so many things, we are everything but ourselves…not fake, just missing. I say…congrats…hold on tight to your man, and find your happiness.
So true, Sara! Pressure so often is present for me because I place it on myself. I know that I am not alone in that. I do know, however, that women are harsh towards each other in judgements. So glad to have friends like you that just get it and are good people through and through.
To: My Favorite Teacher,
Your an incredible individual with so many talents! I believe in you, as you taught me to believe in myself! My first nursing job wasn’t a good fit for me(Aurora Baycare Surgery) I felt like a failure. And now that I had moved forward, I have found a better fit at Bellin Hospital as a float nurse and apart of direct patient care. Your next opportunity is coming! I share this because I had felt in a similar place with my mom and didn’t know how to move forward to find a better fit for my career. You shine brighter than the sun! Thanks for never giving up on me, I know you won’t give up, you will get through this! Remember when we used to play Boop it, we all brought our talents into the race between Mrs Schilling vs Mrs Betters class. I remember your husband having each of us students carry roses to you and he proposed! Your support is all around you! We all care about you and happiness is equally important!
Love, Tiffany
Brave… You are amazing. No amount of gorilla glue from my girls could have held you down and reading why you had to leave is wonderful and amazing.. You will continue to do great things!
Bwahhahaha! That still cracks me up, Kristie! I have such great memories with your kids.
Beautifully written–so honest and truly from the heart! You are an AMAZING person. So lucky to have worked with you–but more importantly–so blessed to call you a friend! Looking forward to reading more great stories that make me think, cry, smile and even laugh out loud!
Thank you, Marta!
While we REALLY miss seeing you (every day for the kids, virtually every day for me) around school, I know that this change is what you needed for your own sake and the sake of your family. Having gone through a similar situation several years ago, I understand the need to say, “That’s it. I’ve given it my best shot and while I may be good at what I do, this isn’t for me.” It’s a hard decision to make and kudos to you for being able to make it!
Thank you, Michelle. I miss you and the girls, too. I am so glad that Olivia and J are together!
Erin! I love this post. I relate to this post. Totally and completely. Just stopping to listen to yourself and your needs and acknowledging something is out of whack. I love your guts. I also love your willingness to share your true self in your writing. Again, guts.