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What I Learned About Giving After Having Kids

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If the Giving Tree isn’t the most accurate book ever I don’t know what is.

If you don’t know the story The Tree gives its leaves and branches and by the end of the book, he’s given everything to The Boy. It’s left as only a stump.

This morning I handed this child the actual shirt off my back.

She was in awe actually.

“Did you just see that? Is anyone watching this?

“Mom just stripped down and gave me her tank top,” she said with a laugh as she put it on then layered the sweater she really wanted to wear over the top.


We are the Giving Tree for our kids in so many ways.

A few nights ago we ran out of brownies before Sam could have seconds. Mine was still on my napkin so I offered it to him.

Kate replied, “Sam if you take that Mom won’t even be a stump. You’ll be digging the actual stump up out of the ground.”

I love that she gets it.

But what none of them can understand yet is in both these cases the giving to them gave me actual joy.

Before I had kids, I thought the Giving Tree was the saddest book. The boy just takes and takes and takes.

I had it all wrong.

The tree just gives and gives and gives.

There’s a big difference.

In the giving, the tree uses up all the gifts it’s been given and in return its so happy

There is such beauty in the giving when then giving is done out of love.

The giving means love.

The giving teaches our people to give.

This week I’ve seen so many ways my kids have recognized the giving.

And I’ve seen ways they’ve given to each other and the world.

They see us giving.

They feel our love.

And they carry the torch, giving back and giving forward.

The Tree was onto something my friends.

 

This post originally appeared on our Hiding in the Closet with Coffee Facebook page.

A Trip To McDonald’s Reminded Me I Can Do Anything (Including Negotiate World Peace)

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After a trip to Target, during which I aged 5 years trying to pick out a shower curtain with kids that suddenly had super strong opinions about shower curtains, I offered to get the kids the new slushees at McDonald’s because I wanted one.

Sam said I’ll take a burger. Kate said I want fries.

I said I just offered you a slushee not food.

How about food and slushees? replied the negotiators.

Nope. Just one thing. Or nothing. Forthelove.

They said cool we’ll take a slushee.

Looked up the flavors so ordering would be fast. Online it said they had fruit punch, orangeade and cherry lime. #notgooddecisionmakers

Sam said he wanted raspberry.

I again explained the flavors were fruit punch, orangeade and cherry lime.

Which do you think is better mom?

I’ve never had one guys. Just pick. I’m not getting any younger.

After a million and one years everyone picked.

Got to Mcdonalds and the three choices were blue raspberry, cherry lime and tropical twist.

My head hit the steering wheel.

Had to do the whole thing over while a giant line formed behind us. #wereterribleindrivethrus

Sam asked if we could eat our food inside. I again explained we weren’t getting food.

But look there’s an Incredibles toys in the happy meal.

I ignored this.

Got to the window and remembered I had given Ellie my debit card.

Searched for cash or another card while sweating profusely.

Remembered I had set up Apple Pay after the Aldi’s incident. I’ve yet to use it.

After another million and one years the girl at the window and I got this to work after discovering the problem was it was waiting for my fingerprint.

Got the slushees and drove home.

And this my friends is a small snippet of why moms are so tired and also why we would be amazing at negotiating complex things like world peace. We don’t just go through the drive thru like normal folk, we navigate about a hundred twists and turns to do every seemingly normal everyday task.

After years of this I believe we literally could do anything my friends. That is if we weren’t so darn tired.

Also there may or may not be vodka in this slushee.

#whyareeasythingssohard #lifewithkids#mcdonaldsdrivethru #thestoryofourtriptotarhetislonger #butimtootiredtotellit#hidingintheclosetwithcoffee

 

A Letter to My Children About Their Attempts To Clean

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Dear Children who just “finished cleaning”,

Let me be clear about one thing.

I see that you are trying, I really do. But oh my word I feel like making you all eye appointments after looking at the results of your last attempt at cleaning your rooms.

I really shouldn’t have to remind you that I am going to check the corners, I figure you know I have eyes to see and that you have them too and that you understand items do not just turn invisible simply because you push them in the corner.

Guess what? I CAN STILL SEE ALL THE STUFF. I DO NOT UNDERSTAND…CAN’T YOU???

The middle of the floor is clean, true, but the pile of stuffed animals and papers and pencils and glitter and general garbage in every corner means that your room is not actually clean. We’ve been through this.

Also, your closet doors should be able to shut, if there is too much stuff on the floor in front, your room is not clean.

And if I open your closet doors and my life is in danger from an avalanche of toys and stinky socks, your room is not clean.

If none of your dresser drawers actually close and it looks like your wardrobe is trying to make a hasty getaway, your room is not clean.

While we’re chatting about cleaning here’s a few tips for other rooms as well.

If I walk into the bathroom and all the cabinet doors are open and I have to wade through wet towels to replace a clearly empty toilet paper roll with the half used one on the floor, the bathroom is not clean.

If I walk into the kitchen and the dishes are done but there are crumbs everywhere and a tower of recycling by the sink and a dirty pot on the stove that I don’t want to wash either, the kitchen is not clean.

If there are 7 socks on the floor covering a pile of stray lego pieces (a really, really bad attempt at camouflage sweet children) and all your spaceships are stacked up on top of each other next to the couch and there is a tower of books and miscellaneous crap balancing on the end table the playroom is not clean.

If there is a pile of coats and backpacks and shoes on the bench in the back hall while all of the hooks are empty and I can’t see the rug because it’s covered in mittens and hats then the back hall is not clean.

You are loved.

You are cherished.

And you are not fooling anyone.

No one appreciates your half-assery my dear ones.

Get it done right the first time and I will look less like a crazy person with smoke coming out of my ears and you will not have to listen to this lecture every, single time it’s time to clean something.

Doesn’t that sound good? You can do this. I have faith in you.

Love,

Your Mom

(Who is starting to wonder if maybe you’re just messing with me, because really??)

New Parents, You Can’t Possibly Know

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New parents…you can’t possibly know.

I just found this picture behind another photo in a frame and I’ve unearthed a memory. I see young me about 3 weeks into my mom journey and I couldn’t possibly have known.

In fact I’m glad I didn’t.

I was working so hard and was so consumed with figuring out this tiny creature. I’m smiling and behind that smile I remember being so worried about how I’d feed her during church that day. It seemed impossible. Maybe because of those crazy bib overalls. I’m not a planner.

And there was always so much to think about…

Was she eating enough?

Why didn’t she sleep?

What was I supposed to do with her when she was awake? She would just look at me…like now what?

Was she happy?

Seriously, shouldn’t she sleep more?

The first day we brought her home no joke we couldn’t even figure out what to do with her when we ate. So we put her in the center of the table and just looked at her over supper.

We couldn’t possibly have known.

There was so much more ahead of us.

We couldn’t have known how it would be to eventually leave her with someone else while we went back out into the world. How we would have fun with part of ourselves while the other part counted the minutes until we were with her again. We were forever changed.

Or how amazing it would be to hear her first word. How we would keep a running list and gloat over it as if no child had learned to speak before.

Or how hard it would be to send her off to her first day of school….how I would watch the clock and worry over if she’d made friends or had enough to eat or had maybe been a little sassy.

Or how I would wake up over and over worrying when she was on her first sleepover (OK all sleepovers to this day, I like my people in their own beds) wondering if she was cold or homesick or safe.

Or how we would watch in amazement as she walked onto the stage for the first time, taking her talents from our living room into the actual world…how she had become this whole separate person.

Or how we’d send her to middle school and then high school as she grew as tall as us and began this whole life we were only watching, suddenly on the sidelines cheering her on but no longer playing in the game.

Or how we’d bury the pit in our stomachs and hand over the car keys. And that we’d survive a crash (or two).

Or how we’d start to prepare our hearts for her leaving us to go into the world, even as that does not seem like it will really happen.

Because we can’t know how that will feel.

Just like we couldn’t possibly have known the love we had for this tiny baby would do nothing but grow right along with her.

All we could handle was wrapping our minds around this gift and keeping her alive.

And that’s pretty much still true today.

But I’ve learned it’s what is right in front of you that matters. We can’t possibly know what is coming next. And worrying about it or trying to predict it can steal the joy of what is right in front of us.

I look at young me and in addition to wanting to tell her to lose those horrible bib overalls, I want to tell her it’s OK.

Your baby will eat. You’ll not only figure out how to feed her in church but also pretty much anywhere.

You’ll even survive her future attempts to go vegan. It will be a whole thing.

And someday all she’ll do is sleep…you’ll actually have to pry her from her bed.

And this journey you’re on will be so much fun. There will be bumps but you’ll all be OK.

Because you already know the secret. It’s the only thing you really need to know.

You know how to love this baby…this child…this crazy teenager.

You know love. And because of that so does she.

You’ve got this mama…even when you feel like you don’t. Because you have love and that love will see you through all of it.

10 Must Read Books for Every Family

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I am a big believer in the family read aloud. You can read a quick chapter after dinner, before bed or even in the morning before school if your people are more organized than mine.

The best thing about reading to your kids for me is that brings your family JOY through a shared experience that doesn’t entail you ever leaving the house. We are all about finding (& creating) joy around here and finding awesome experiences that cost very little (or nothing if you are a savvy library user). Win/win.  Plus, reading together opens up the door for so many powerful conversations we wouldn’t have had otherwise.

Still not convinced? Reading to your kids at any age is proven to make them better readers. This article in Reading Rockets sums it up in one of the best ways I’ve seen, “Reading aloud is the foundation for literacy development. It is the single most important activity for reading success (Bredekamp, Copple, & Neuman, 2000). It provides children with a demonstration of phrased, fluent reading (Fountas & Pinnell, 1996). It reveals the rewards of reading, and develops the listener’s interest in books and desire to be a reader (Mooney, 1990).”

To get you started here are 10 of our family favorites. We have kids ages 6-16 so there is something for everyone here. Don’t be afraid to read something a little harder than what your kids can read on their own, as a teacher I always aimed up in our read alouds. By the same token my high schoolers still crack up at some books that are way easy for them. This list has books from a variety of levels that everyone can enjoy listening to.

**Simply click on the title or picture of the book to order through Amazon. We are members of their affiliate program so we do receive a percentage of all sales made through this post which helps offset the cost of running our blog. We are forever grateful to you for ordering through us!**

Wonder

The story of Auggie Pullman who was born with Treacher-Collins syndrome. This story showcases the power of kindness to change lives and is a must read for everyone of any age. Also should be read before you see the movie because that’s a good life rule.

A Wrinkle in Time (Time Quintet)

This book is about to be a movie as well, so now is the perfect time to read it to your kids. This family favorite led to so many great conversations about the power of family and the power of love. Side note, it was my favorite book in 6th grade and it was so fun to read this to my kids from my tattered middle school copy.

Half Magic (Tales of Magic)

Half magic is the story of a group of cousins that find a magic coin, but it only brings them half the magic of whatever they wish for. It was such a fun read aloud, filled with adventure and humor. If your kids loved Harry Potter they will love this one too.

Skinnybones

Every student I have read this with has loved it and my kids cracked up at the adventures of Alex Frankovitch, as he struggles to fit in. You will laugh cry and quote this one forever.

The Miraculous Journey of Edward Tulane

An awesome read, especially if your kids have a lovey. In this one Edward Tulane is the stuffed bunny friend that falls overboard on a ship and then has a ton of adventures as he makes his way home. Some of this book is pretty deep but there was something for everyone here as well. Plus anything by Kate DiCamillo rocks.

Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone

These are the best audiobooks ever (special audiobook offer at the end of the article). If you have seen the movies already I seriously still recommend reading these aloud. My 4th grader kept saying, “Oh that’s why that happened! There’s so much more in the book!” Completely worthwhile to show why the book is always still important.

Out of My Mind

The story of Melody, a girl who is unable to move or communicate, but whose mind is filled with brilliance. This is one my kids listen to over and over and is filled with lessons about overcoming obstacles and that there can be way more to people with disabilities than meets the eye.

The Sisters Grimm

This series captured me just as much as the kids. This is the ultimate fractured fairy tale and you may find yourself going back and forth between this and your classic fairy tale book as you read about the adventures of two sisters who discover their family is so much more than they ever knew. There are a ton of books in this series and we’ve read them all over and over.

Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing

This classic is just as good today as it was when my third grade teacher read it aloud to our class. Sibling rivalry, friendship troubles, and hilarious antics are all reasons why this book has stood the test of time.

The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe (The Chronicles of Narnia)

This series should be required reading for everyone. Loved it as a child and I feel like I learned more reading this to my kids. C.S. Lewis packed this series with wisdom for living life and will give you a ton to talk about.

One last note. If you don’t feel you have time to read aloud, listening to books on Audible is another great way to get that read aloud in! We actually listened to the entire Harry Potter series one summer driving to and from various summer destinations. We would sit in the driveway for 20 minutes after arriving home to finish a chapter! Audiobooks aren’t just for the car, you can listen in your living room or all our kids listen to books as they fall asleep. We have an offer for you below…2 free books just for trying their service! Give it a whirl and let us know what you think!

 

Life Lessons from the School Pick Up Line

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Oh my word, nothing is as fraught with emotion as the school pick up line. Sitting in my rockin’ white minivan, I can go from inspired, to exasperated, to hopeful, to horrified, to disbelieving, to furious, to wonder (as in wondering if the grown ups in the line all need glasses like me and that’s why they are parking right in front of the No Parking signs) and back to inspired all in the time it takes for my kids to run to my car.

I think one of the underlying issues here is not that we are horrible people, but instead that we don’t realize that our kids activities are really not that important. Life has conditioned us so that the idea of getting our kid to fishing class five minutes late feels like an emergency. Making it home with 45 minutes for kids to change and eat before ballet feels like life or death. Making it to swim class so we can be in line before the teacher calls our kids’ name is the holy grail of our evening.

But it shouldn’t be. We need to breathe deep and override that flight or fight response. It has served humans well over time, but we don’t need it here. In this day and age we no longer have to worry about being eaten by a lion, but our body reacts like we are on the run from one when we are in the school pick up line, waiting to beat the clock. 

This is no way to live.

We all need to get a grip. In the past few weeks, I have learned a few lessons we can all get a little something out of. So sit back and join me my friends, each of these lessons applies to picking up, dropping off and also to pretty much any situation in life you can think of where you are around other people.

A few lessons are obvious, simple, and are things my kindergartner is also working on, so he and I can form a support group to get through this if we need to. Things like:

Take turns.  No brainer here people. We can’t always be first. For real. Sometimes we need to let other people go before us for safety and to just be a good ol’ human being. Try this in line anywhere and feel your heart swell with the joy of being the nice guy.

Don’t cut in line Loosely related to take turns, this is one a surprising amount of grown ups seem to have forgotten. It’s tempting when you are in a hurry. But remember, there is no lion. We are not being chased and even if we were it would be pretty mean to cut in front of someone else to leave them to be eaten. Luckily, there’s only soccer practice waiting and no one will die from being 2 minutes late.

Stay in your space We’re not dealing with staying on our carpet squares, but instead we are trying to keep our two ton metal vehicles from crashing into each other or into a person. Even more important than staying on your square. We need to be aware of our own space and stay in it. Nosing our way into someone else’s spot could have big consequences. 

Use nice words. Even if someone disobeys a rule. Even if we are really frustrated. Even if we really, really want to say a bad word and feel it will cleanse our soul. Just don’t. The kids are watching and in front of an elementary school is not where we want to show off this portion of our vocabulary. Model good behavior even if it kills us. Nice words win in any situation.

Listen to the grown ups The people directing traffic and asking us to obey the rules are here to help. Yelling at them about why we have to abandon our car in the pull forward lane is not helpful. Making them knock on our window and ask us to move our vehicles is a bummer for everyone. Just do what they are asking because we should. Pretty sure we can apply this one to children’s sporting events as well.

These lead us to a few bigger lessons:

We are all in this together

If we are all heading into pick up trying to get our kid out first and fastest, it’s only a matter of time before we are either consumed by rage and frustration because no one can ever always be the first and fastest or that something goes terribly wrong. But if we go into the pick up line with the goal of all kids and families getting in and out safely then that changes everything.

Working together means we sometimes sacrifice what is good for ourselves for the good of the group. This is true so often in life. But the secret is looking out for all the people actually makes the group work better and in the end that will actually help you. We are all irrevocably connected. 

Give grace everyday

When that mom cuts us off or that dad yells at us in line, we give them grace. Assume they are still working on the easy rules and we all have to start somewhere. Don’t yell back. Assume their day was stressful. Their kid is sick. They just got laid off. They woke up to a flooded bathroom or a fire.

Sure, they could just be a jerk, but jerks are so rare. People accidentally acting like a jerk because life is hard much more common. They probably just need a hug and understanding which when you’re a stranger looks like walking away and moving on. Chances are they’ll feel terrible when they come out of their rage. And if not, well we’ve still done our part to make the world better and that’s all we can do. 

Also, disclaimer, I am not at my best when I am running late or in a hurry or just in a frustrating situation. I may accidentally act like a jerk so sometimes we will need to give that grace to our very own selves. It happens.

Practice Kindness

Like really practice it. As a society our kindness muscles tend to be a bit flabby because we can’t exercise them if we are operating in aforementioned fight or flight. We need to be intentional here.  There’s no lion so we have the time to slow down and think this one through. 

Practicing means we chose a kind behavior and repeat it until it’s automatic. In the pick up line that mean we let someone in front of us in line. Or we leave the best parking place for someone else. Or we smile and wave to the other drivers.

In life we just take time to be aware of the needs of others around us and help to meet those needs when we can. Do this even if it makes you late or makes us crazy. No lion chasing us means that we have the time to be nice. Take a deep breath, we’ve got this.

Treat Others How You Want To Be Treated. Or we could just follow this golden rule. It really sums it all up so nicely.

In all of these lessons, we really just need to remember that each human wants the same things. In the pick up line we want to reunite with our kids and exit that parking lot before they are ready to graduate.We want to get to the next event, to the Starbucks line, back to work. We are trying to make it through.

And the kids are watching how we do this. They are taking notes. We can’t yell at the person in front of us and then expect them not to yell at their siblings. We can’t park in a No Parking Zone and then expect them to follow our rules. This is not how life works, they will do as we do. Which is one of the hardest parts of parenting…if only they would just do as we say it would be so much easier.

So take a deep breath, smile at the person who just yelled at you and move on down the line. Explain to your kids that the yeller or must be having a bad day and we should hope it gets better. Show your kids what grace and kindness in action look like in the pick up line and everywhere in life. There is never a reason not to. The world will be a better place for it.

 

 

 

The Life Changing Summer Goal that Only Takes an Hour

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One Hour.

That’s all this summer goal requires. It requires pretty much no planning or bucket list making or thought, other than keeping your eyes open for opportunity. This hour will find you.

I figured out the impact of this hour when we spent the last weekend at a water park while my son played lacrosse. Going back and forth from the game to the hotel water park all weekend left us feeling disjointed and exhausted. It was lots of fun, but I may not be young, so I was just tired at the end of it. I couldn’t wait to get home.

My kids, however, REALLY wanted just one more hour in the water park. They are young and can run all day and therefore weren’t ready to head home. Every bone in my body was screaming to head for the hills. I’d have to put on my bathing suit. We had to check out of our room, so if we stayed we’d have to change in the damp, icky changing area. My hair would be wet on the way home. The water park was so loud. Not one thing about the idea of staying sounded appealing to me.

But still, they wanted to stay. They looked at us with hopeful eyes, begging for the fun to continue. Pretty much every other family was headed home, but we made a decision that I didn’t know would change how I am looking at my whole summer and really how I’m looking at how my role as a parent.

We stayed the extra hour. And my friends I’m not exaggerating when I say it made all the difference.

We were in, so I dug deep and decided I was going to be fun mom for an hour. I could have been sit-in-a-chair-and-half heartedly-watching-their antics-mom for an hour, but I decided that would be a waste. If I wasn’t heading home, I was going to be yes mom for an hour. I was going to get my hair wet, and not complain. I was going to be a kid for an hour.

And it was So. Much. Fun.

I realized this hour was important about 10 minutes in, when I found myself racing up the steps of the kiddie water slide area, chasing after Sam, plotting how I could adjust my way of sliding to finally beat him in the water slide races we were having. I was ALL IN at that moment. I was a kid again, if only in my mind. I thought about how when I had said I would slide with him, his eyes had lit right up and his little arms had shot up in the air with a giant “YES!”. He wanted to have fun with me. In that moment I was not just fun mom, I was fun Amy.

And having fun with your kids allows you to see them in a whole new light.

I watched Sam use his God-given giant load of energy to run and run and run and embrace so much fun in life I think he may be a genius in this area.

I watched Kate fearlessly go on water slides that made me scream like a baby. She held my hand and was the one who was brave. She had no fear and a fierce independence and determination that made me feel lucky to be her friend for an hour.

I watched Thomas take Sam under his wing when it was his turn for slide races. I watched him teach Sam new water tricks and happily play in the kiddie area with reckless abandon, being kind and awesome to his brother at every turn.

I watched Ellie and Lily with their arms around each other, best friends for this sacred hour. I went down sides with each of them and floated through the lazy river as we all chatted without a care in the world.

I held Todd’s hand and went down a slide with him in a double tube, just like in our dating days. Our kids watching from behind rolling their eyes with huge grins on their faces, hopefully seeing that marriage is more than making lunches and carting them around. That we have actual fun with each other.

Spend the hour my friends.

This hour reminded me how awesome it is to be the fun mom. To just be human with your kids. How amazing it can be to say yes. Sure, I could have used that hour to start on the massive pile of laundry I brought home with me. And full disclosure, we pushed ourselves to the point that there was for sure more whining and complaining from my super tired people as we drove home. That hour could have saved us from having to stop and feed people a little treat on the way home because now dinner was too far away. My house would have been cleaner and my people fed on time and in bed earlier had we not spent the hour.

But, the laundry and the whining and the feeding of the people will always be there. That hour of fun was not only priceless, but fleeting, like a feather in the wind we had one moment to grab onto. And we did.

Your hour may not be water park fun, this may sound like sheer torture to you, I get this. The beauty is your hour can be anything. And seriously, it’s just an hour, not a day. So much more manageable . We can do anything for an hour.

Thinking back, I can remember my parents taking this same hour with us. My dad racing from roller coaster to roller coaster with my more adventurous siblings. My mom was a more fun shopping partner than any teenage buddy we had. They spent the time. They took the hour. And we have amazing family memories because of this.

Life tries to drum that hour out of us. It tries to make us believe that getting stuff done is the ultimate prize. I am all for folded laundry and an empty sink and kids who are asleep at bedtime. But don’t let life keep you from taking an hour here and there. Find what you love, share it with your kids, say yes when every bone in your old and weary body says no. Let your kids hear you scream like a kid going down a water slide. Get your hair wet. Eat ice cream for dinner. Play a family game of tag at the park as the sun goes down.

Show your kids you are more than a task master who cares too much about beds being made. Show them that you are not just the adult who wants them to entertain themselves at the water park while you sit in a hot tub (although I did that this weekend too and it was amazing).

Show them that family is fun, and that fun can actually come first. Show them the kid in you and this will bond you together in a whole new way.

Make it your goal this summer to take the hour. It will make all the difference in that moment. And it’s the moments that will change your family forever.

To My Daughter…Call Me

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To my daughter in the event she finds herself in my shoes:

If someday you become a mother, I confess I have a secret hope you will have a girl. When you were born my mom was in the room and the very first words she said to me were, “Don’t you just love her?” Oh yes. That love hit me like a ton of bricks and she completely understood. I dream of you experiencing that first sweet baby love. 

With all of the joys there will be challenges. I don’t wish them upon you, despite my yelling, “Just WAIT until you have a daughter someday, then you will understand!” when we are in the middle of a heated argument. Please know, I will hold no grudges. I will not be waiting to say, “I told you so.” You can call me.

Because I have been where you are today my friend. And today I am where you will someday be. I have learned a thing or two in both places. If you look closely at my me and my mom, you will see those lessons. Because we have come full circle. There is a reason I talk to her on the phone every day my sweet girl. And I believe someday you will be calling me too, you can always call me.

When your daughter rolls her eyes at you as you hold up what you think is a perfectly cute pair of jeans at the mall, you can call me. I’ll totally be on your side and chances are I will also think those jeans are cute. We will be back on the same team then my friend if you can believe it, we will both be equally uncool.

When your daughter ghosts you after arriving home from school and she only wants  to hang in her room with the door closed thank you very much, you can call me. I will remind you of the days you disappeared down the stairs with barely a hello and would shout back a quick, “Whaaaat?!?!” when we would call your name to find out if you were even in the house with us.

When your daughter would rather talk to her friends about her problems (and I’m sorry to break this to you, most will occasionally be one of those problems), you can call me. We can reminisce about how you would spend hours on your phone with your friends, Facetiming and Snapchatting and other things that most likely are now archaic and crazy since your daughter is all about holograms and teleporting…or whatever. Those both sound like they belong in the future. The point is, I can remind you, you did the same thing to me and now look at us…we’re right back to talking about your problems. It will be OK.

When your daughter comes home and her heart is broken by her friends or God forbid a boy, you can call me. When you realize you are feeling every bit of the pain she is feeling plus a little bit extra because you can’t fix this for her, I will remind you that this pain will shape her in ways that will make her stronger and more compassionate. Just like it did for you. I’ll tell you it isn’t our job to keep the pain from our kids, but rather to help them see they are strong enough to make it through. And they don’t have to make it through alone. 

When she doesn’t seem to remember you love her with all of your heart and that all you do and say comes from this love. When she doesn’t seem to know you look at her and see both a grown up beauty and a two-year-old sweet baby behind the wheel of a the car and that’s why you have broken out in a sweat. When she doesn’t seem to realize you are still a little baffled at how fast it went, and that it’s crazy she doesn’t want you to do her hair or pick out her clothes anymore. Call me. I’ll understand.

Call me, sweet girl, and I’ll remind you that we made it through. I look into our future and know this will be true. I look at my relationship with my mom and it has all happened just this way, you can see that now I am sure.

I know when you call me, I will feel a little thrill. I will be so happy that like so many mothers and daughters before we are friends. I will no longer be parenting you, just enjoying you. Our connection will no longer be embarrassing to you but something we both cherish. And really, if we think about it, it wasn’t really ever embarrassing at all. I will remind you deep down you felt special and loved when we worried about you. That even while rallying against the boundaries we set, you knew they were keeping you safe and from the fate of those kids who weren’t as lucky as you.

I will remind you we had glimpses of our future friendship, just like you and your daughter do, I’m sure. Those moments when she wants to lay by you on the couch, or talk a little longer in the car so you keep driving, or when she not so reluctantly denies friends to stay home for family game night. Or that glorious moment when she declares it’s more fun to go to Target with you because you’re her favorite shopping partner. Those are the sneak peeks of what is to come when she is grown.

I will remind you that through all of it, there was always love. That constant love that has flowed from each generation to the next is ours and always has been.  Not even the teenage years can change that. No matter what, you can call me and I will be here. I am your mom forever, just as my mom is mine. And I will be just a phone call away. Always.