All at Once it Happens
February 6, 2021 :: ::
When your kids are little and you are in the middle of all the things you think it is going to be your life forever.
This is just how you live now.
You will always, always, always be caring for and serving these small people in a way that makes your body so weary and your soul so full.
You cannot imagine a time when you are not making baby food or cutting grapes in half.
When you are not thinking about diapers and pull-ups and potty seats.
When you are not constantly buying shoes for little feet that just keep on growing.
You cannot imagine a moment when you are not adjusting bedtimes and bathtimes.
When you are not helping kids with zippers and boots and combing out tangled hair and then gently braiding it.
When you are not searching for blankies and doll friends and that one random airplane your son insists on sleeping with every single night.
When you are not sneaking in sleep and trying to get a shred of alone time in a quiet house and when your heart doesn’t sink when you hear the pitter-patter of little feet that should be sleeping.
You cannot imagine a time when you are not in charge of their entire world.
Then one morning you wake up for yoga and your youngest gets up early and you don’t even mind a bit because even he doesn’t need a thing from you and your morning is still just yours and yet you are not even sure how you feel about it.
All at once, it happens. You are pushed from one part of your life into another and it comes with all the feelings.
You realize you haven’t tucked in most anyone for maybe actual years.
No one needs a blankie anywhere. Although you will do a full house search for a phone from time to time.
And you guys…one day they just have an actual shoe size and it’s the same forever and ever. You are of course charged with buying new cool fashions but you always know their size.
There is so much to love about this time, but over my shoulder, I see the old me on the couch nursing a baby with a fuzzy two-year-old head on my arm and a 4-year old that just won’t stop talking even though it’s legit only 6:00 am. I can see that I am already weary at the thought of making breakfast and figuring out who is going to want the blue plate and all the things I have to do for them on that day.
And still, I feel like I miss that moment with a part of my soul that might just ache a little bit forever.
It’s all a blessing I feel unworthy of most every single moment. And grateful for most of the time.
Parenting these people goes by in the blink of an eye even when there are moments that threaten to kill you because you are sure they will never end.
So even though he didn’t need a thing or even ask for it, my youngest got a homemade cup of hot chocolate overflowing with whipped cream because someday this chair will be empty and he will be under another roof where I cannot even reach him to hug his shoulders and tousle his hair.
Today we get to love our people Whatever size they are and whatever they need, they need from us.
How lucky are we?