The ghosts of my littles shopped with me today at Target. They were somehow there at every turn.

I wandered the aisles and all at once the princess dresses brought me to tears.

Because the spirits of my little girls were dancing around my legs begging for all the things in lispy voices, their hair all messy and yet each head topped with a crown from the dress-up bin.

In the Nerf aisle, I could almost see small Thomas in his too-big McQueen crocs at my heels, and then again later he beckoned me that he needed more Pokémon cards. “Please, mom. I love you.”

The outline of their chubby baby selves appeared faintly in the seat of the cart as I walked past the sweet summer dresses and pint-sized sunglasses.

Two-year-old Lily ran way ahead and away from me dressed from head to toe as Snow White and refusing to heed my cries just as she did long ago eventually earning herself a trip directly home, my cart abandoned.

The duct tape aisle got me again as 10-year-old Ellie in her braces counted out her birthday money to see how many rolls she could afford. Her younger siblings in awe of all she was buying for herself and the crafts she’d likely make.

They all waited for me at the checkout, meticulously looking through the candy selections deciding on what was largest and most sugary. Kate begging for one of each thing her sibling had picked out.

Of course, I also found them, at various ages, whining to “goooooo…” when I was over by the home goods and again in the shampoo aisle. I do remember all the things.

Also, I can take as long as I please there now.

So, of course, I did what anyone would do, I sat down in a lonely aisle by the furniture you put together yourself, my eyes filled with tears, missing those little versions of my now tall people.

Darn it moms that came before me. Why did you have to be right??

I DO miss it.

Who would have thought?

100% not the ghost of younger me holding onto her last shred of sanity moving 5 kids 10 and under through these aisles…and yet here we are.

Crying by an end cap.

I got up, dried my eyes, and marched back to the toy aisle and bought something for my littlest because soon his ghost will also greet me here and in real life, he will tower over me asking for coffee and hoodies and for me to hurry already.

But today he’s still little enough and I’m pretty sure the smaller ghost versions of his siblings were there cheering on my decision.

Yup.

It all goes fast.

Target should put THAT on a pillow. I could have used it to wipe my eyes before heading to the checkout.