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I Think About It Everyday

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I think about it every day.

When I drop my kids off at school and watch them walk into the building, I wonder if today will be the day I should have kept them home. If I’ll say “If only they had been sick or had taken different classes or had a different lunch.”

When I hear a midday siren. I wait and try and steal a look at Facebook to see if anything has happened or I wait for the email or the robo call saying I need to rush to the school.

When I get a text from a kiddo that is just “Mom” then silence. I don’t think they got busy or got caught texting in class. I wonder if that text is the last I’ll ever get, their way of saying goodbye.

When I’m sitting in a meeting, I’ll take a minute to look around and plan my escape route out of the school I love working for, we’ve been trained for that now.

When I look at my kids’ teachers I wonder if they will someday be called upon to protect my babies actual lives when really they should only have to think about teaching them to read.

And I wonder when this will end.

Will I ever in my lifetime not have to have these thoughts?

Will it be even worse for my kids when they send their babies to school?

Will there ever be an end to the parents for whom my dark thoughts are today’s reality?

Will there ever be an end???

We can no longer assume we are doing everything right in this country. We need to look to those who send their students off to safe days at school and we need to LEARN SOMETHING.

We need to change what we are doing because it’s not working it’s only falling apart faster and faster.

The time is now my friends, because we’re already making a change too darn late.

 

Why I Refuse to Be Defined by What’s Left Undone

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It’s the end of the day.

3 1/2 out of 5 tuck-ins complete.

And then I see this at the bottom of the stairs and I’m weary in my bones. Too weary to put it all away.

And I know this will be what is left undone today.

Yes the kids should have taken care of this themselves.

And yes I could teach them a lesson by making them get out of their beds to do it now.

But they didn’t and I won’t.

And so tonight this will remain undone.

Each day there’s something we leave undone here…

Sometimes it’s the lunches for tomorrow.

Sometimes it’s a load of laundry in the washer.

Sometimes it’s a stinky kid we put to bed without giving him a bath.

Sometimes it’s a kitchen that looks like it’s exploded.

Sometimes it’s emptying a backpack.

Sometimes it’s a sea of Legos in the living room.

Because this is parenting. There is quite literally always something to do. Our job is just never, ever done.

And whatever is not done when I reach my end will wait until tomorrow, because I know that the success of my day is not about what I finish.

It’s about what I did.

And today I tended to three sick kids.

And made a million trips up and down the stairs to get new, fresh water and books and lovies.

And made everyone’s favorite dinner.

And listened to stories of days at school.

And helped a kid with insane homework.

And hugged my tallest kid for a super long time.

And laughed with my boys at a silly movie.

And kissed all the foreheads in the house.

Today I loved my people.

So I refuse to be defined by what I don’t get done. Life is just too short to use that as our measuring stick.

{Also I believe God wants me to sit on the couch at night, grateful for what I have done, instead of running around in exhaustion trying to do all the things. He loves me well like that and I’m pretty sure He doesn’t care about shoe piles.}

Because if we have loved our people, and laughed with them, and kissed their foreheads…then we have accomplished the things that matter.

We have lived a glorious day in our lives and no pile of shoes and mayhem at the bottom of the stairs or stacks of dishes in the sink or wads of laundry in the washer mean a thing.

We have done the work God wants us to do. And we can sit on the couch and see that it is good. {Also we can turn on Netflix and pour wine.}

Amen.

Amy

10 Must Read Books for Every Family

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I am a big believer in the family read aloud. You can read a quick chapter after dinner, before bed or even in the morning before school if your people are more organized than mine.

The best thing about reading to your kids for me is that brings your family JOY through a shared experience that doesn’t entail you ever leaving the house. We are all about finding (& creating) joy around here and finding awesome experiences that cost very little (or nothing if you are a savvy library user). Win/win.  Plus, reading together opens up the door for so many powerful conversations we wouldn’t have had otherwise.

Still not convinced? Reading to your kids at any age is proven to make them better readers. This article in Reading Rockets sums it up in one of the best ways I’ve seen, “Reading aloud is the foundation for literacy development. It is the single most important activity for reading success (Bredekamp, Copple, & Neuman, 2000). It provides children with a demonstration of phrased, fluent reading (Fountas & Pinnell, 1996). It reveals the rewards of reading, and develops the listener’s interest in books and desire to be a reader (Mooney, 1990).”

To get you started here are 10 of our family favorites. We have kids ages 6-16 so there is something for everyone here. Don’t be afraid to read something a little harder than what your kids can read on their own, as a teacher I always aimed up in our read alouds. By the same token my high schoolers still crack up at some books that are way easy for them. This list has books from a variety of levels that everyone can enjoy listening to.

**Simply click on the title or picture of the book to order through Amazon. We are members of their affiliate program so we do receive a percentage of all sales made through this post which helps offset the cost of running our blog. We are forever grateful to you for ordering through us!**

Wonder

The story of Auggie Pullman who was born with Treacher-Collins syndrome. This story showcases the power of kindness to change lives and is a must read for everyone of any age. Also should be read before you see the movie because that’s a good life rule.

A Wrinkle in Time (Time Quintet)

This book is about to be a movie as well, so now is the perfect time to read it to your kids. This family favorite led to so many great conversations about the power of family and the power of love. Side note, it was my favorite book in 6th grade and it was so fun to read this to my kids from my tattered middle school copy.

Half Magic (Tales of Magic)

Half magic is the story of a group of cousins that find a magic coin, but it only brings them half the magic of whatever they wish for. It was such a fun read aloud, filled with adventure and humor. If your kids loved Harry Potter they will love this one too.

Skinnybones

Every student I have read this with has loved it and my kids cracked up at the adventures of Alex Frankovitch, as he struggles to fit in. You will laugh cry and quote this one forever.

The Miraculous Journey of Edward Tulane

An awesome read, especially if your kids have a lovey. In this one Edward Tulane is the stuffed bunny friend that falls overboard on a ship and then has a ton of adventures as he makes his way home. Some of this book is pretty deep but there was something for everyone here as well. Plus anything by Kate DiCamillo rocks.

Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone

These are the best audiobooks ever (special audiobook offer at the end of the article). If you have seen the movies already I seriously still recommend reading these aloud. My 4th grader kept saying, “Oh that’s why that happened! There’s so much more in the book!” Completely worthwhile to show why the book is always still important.

Out of My Mind

The story of Melody, a girl who is unable to move or communicate, but whose mind is filled with brilliance. This is one my kids listen to over and over and is filled with lessons about overcoming obstacles and that there can be way more to people with disabilities than meets the eye.

The Sisters Grimm

This series captured me just as much as the kids. This is the ultimate fractured fairy tale and you may find yourself going back and forth between this and your classic fairy tale book as you read about the adventures of two sisters who discover their family is so much more than they ever knew. There are a ton of books in this series and we’ve read them all over and over.

Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing

This classic is just as good today as it was when my third grade teacher read it aloud to our class. Sibling rivalry, friendship troubles, and hilarious antics are all reasons why this book has stood the test of time.

The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe (The Chronicles of Narnia)

This series should be required reading for everyone. Loved it as a child and I feel like I learned more reading this to my kids. C.S. Lewis packed this series with wisdom for living life and will give you a ton to talk about.

One last note. If you don’t feel you have time to read aloud, listening to books on Audible is another great way to get that read aloud in! We actually listened to the entire Harry Potter series one summer driving to and from various summer destinations. We would sit in the driveway for 20 minutes after arriving home to finish a chapter! Audiobooks aren’t just for the car, you can listen in your living room or all our kids listen to books as they fall asleep. We have an offer for you below…2 free books just for trying their service! Give it a whirl and let us know what you think!

 

5 Blessings of Being Broke

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I am no financial wizard. For many years I made money decisions with my heart and not with my head. Impulse buying led to credit card debt in college which started my journey as a fiscally irresponsible young adult. A yearning to be home with my kids when they were little led to a “let the chips fall where they may” attitude and the corresponding lack of funds that came along with that thinking. In short, we have made some goof ups in our finances around this joint.

At each stage in life I envisioned money as something that would just be there when I needed it. Until it wasn’t. And I had to grow up just a titch and use my head and not just my heart when it came to spending. We have come out the other side and learned our lesson, but financial mistakes of the past can certainly hang out in your future for a long, long, LONG time.

While I wish I had made better decisions, there are some lessons I learned along the way I wouldn’t change for the world. I guess this is why God allows hardship in life. We learn our lessons the hard way and no one would ever willingly chose the hard way.

My friends, learn from my 5 hard won lessons I have learned from being broke.

  1. Your things are not who you are. Don’t get me wrong. I still love a good trip to Target. I look forward to my Stitch Fix box. I have a whole Pinterest board I visit occasionally about redoing kitchen cabinets. Things are not the problem, but an addiction to always having new and better things can be a big problem. Your identity does not rest in how big your house is, what car you drive, what brand tag is in the back of your shirt or where you vacation. Things are not who you are. Once I freed myself of the shackles of always needing more I could spend time thinking about what was really important. No longer did I spent so much time thinking about making my house awesome instead I tend to spend more time thinking about how to make my heart awesome. It is a much harder job so the extra time here is key.
  2. Debt is the devil. (Or it’s no fun to pre-spend your money) Once you allow yourself to go down the slippery slope of debt clawing your way out is painful and takes forever and a day. For real. If you are considering debt as the way to finance your lifestyle stop right there sister. When you pre-spend the money you have not yet earned you will not be able to buy things when you need them. Because the money is already gone. Seems so obvious but took me way too long to learn.Take a page from our friend Dave Ramsey and know if you can’t pay cash for it you can’t afford it. I bucked this for a long time and it was so not worth it. For more on this seriously, make friends with Dave.
  3. It’s OK not to give your kids everything. With my first kiddo I really thought she needed it all. The Pottery Barn Kids bedroom set. Outfits that were all name brand and new. Every toy that was out there. When you are forced to make good financial decisions out of desperation, let me tell you that Pottery Barn furniture looks WAY less attractive when held up against having enough money for groceries. I quickly realized such shocking truths like, my kids liked the boxes more than the toys. And that kids have zero concept of where their clothes are coming from and might actually preferred to wear nothing but their Halloween costume for days on end. In short, I was wasting my money. AND…that first kid became a “I want that now!” beast. We had to wean her off her addiction for new things we had created by buying her something every single time we went into Target. When we made better decisions with the next ones in the brood we realized they are more excited for their birthdays and Christmas because getting things is now special. They are not deprived, they are appreciative. Who knew?
  4. Giving is Powerful. If you are scraping by and trying to dig out it is hard to be a giver. And it turns out giving is so much better than getting. For real. It is wonderful to be able to give to those who need it, turns out it is even better than a Target run full of endcap deals. Taking the focus off of things for me has helped me see the actual needs of others. Slowly but surely we are freeing up money in our budget to help out there in the world. You can’t do that if you are constantly saving up for new rugs because the colors in the old one have gone out of style. Trust me.
  5. Receiving is Powerful. Struggling with debt has meant we have had to accept help here and there. Free babysitting from family, hand me down furniture…there is no shame in leaning on others when you need to. We have also had to receive grace from our very own selves so we don’t constantly beat ourselves up over mistakes made. Receiving people has been a huge gift. I’m not waiting to save up for the perfect everything to have people in my house. Come on in people and we’ll be too busy laughing and drinking wine to even notice my family room carpet might need to be replaced. Who really cares anyway? My heart and home is ready to receive and celebrate my people.

Surviving being broke has helped me put money in it’s proper place. Things no longer rule my thoughts and my need for instant gratification no longer rules my pocket book. In our world it is a constant upstream battle to ignore the messages telling you you need white cabinets and a giant SUV and a vacation to Disney each and every year to be happy. Define your happy with things that are not of this world, like having an open heart, spreading kindness and gathering friends. These are things that are lasting and don’t cost you a thing, so go ahead and put that wallet away.

Originally published on Her View From Home.

This is What Your Knight in Shining Armour Looks Like in Your 40’s.

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Listen up young ones.

This is what your knight in shining armor looks like when you are in your 40’s.

Yes, that’s my amazing husband who is arriving on the scene with his credit card because what you can’t see is me, standing next to a cart super full of groceries that I couldn’t pay for because I couldn’t find my wallet.

Not sure you can tell, but he’s smiling at me. Yup…he had to leave work and he is smiling. His only words of admonishment were, “You’re not supposed to be grocery shopping I said I’d go this week.”

Seriously.

Young people, this is what love looks like when you’re old and it’s ridiculous how awesome it is.

Love also looks like me coming downstairs to a full pot of coffee every morning because coffee is love.

Love looks like all the lunches being made already so I can enjoy that aforementioned cup of coffee.

Love looks like someone washing the dishes while his wife catches up on This is Us while plopped on the couch not helping at all.

Love looks like a super patient dad doing the 5 year old’s homework with him every morning so I can get to work on time.

Love looks like running to the store before bed after your wife has forgotten to buy milk because you know the morning will be easier if we can serve up some cereal.

And you guys there were signs it would be this way so I have tips for you.

In college this love looked like boyfriend Todd running to the store for a danish I was craving or watching me and my friends on the dance floor long after he wanted to leave the bar or him being known across campus by the flower backpack he was carrying which of course was mine.

Young people, listen.

Do not be fooled by big, showy promposals and giant cards with candy bars glued to them with some cute saying or by your name spelled in pepperoni by a boy who’s asking you to homecoming.

That isn’t the stuff that lasts and let’s be honest…moms are totally helping them with those things.

Watch how he treats you when Instagram isn’t looking.

That is where the signs are.

Choose the man who will carry your too heavy flowered backpack in public because he will also be the man who bails you out at Aldi’s when your 40-? with a smile and a hug.

And that my friends is true love.

Amy

 

 

The Best of Everything…For Me

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Does anyone else feel like they are living under pressure?

I feel the pressure to be a great mom.
I feel the pressure to be a great wife.
I feel the pressure to be great at my job.
I feel the pressure to be a great daughter, sister, friend, neighbor, colleague…

You get the point.

This strategy works for me until it just doesn’t anymore and I break. Today was one of the days where I broke.

Here’s the thing, guys. The leaves are falling. I don’t know why I was so dumbstruck in the parking lot after work today when I found myself standing on a smattering of leaves thinking ‘when the heck did this happen?’ How did I miss the fact that we are already staring October in the face?

Those who know me well know I don’t slow down. I have to be busy for 99% of the day (that last 1% is reserved for Netflix binge-watching when collapsing on the couch with a glass of wine). But, here is the thing: things keep going. And time is flying by.

I am starting to wonder what would happen if I lowered my own expectations for myself. Like really allowed myself to slow down. What would that even be like?

Would it be the worst thing if the laundry stayed in the pile for another day? (I think everyone still has at least 1 pair of clean underwear). Or, what if I left work an hour early and beat the kids home just to sit on the couch? No one would say I wasn’t good at my job anymore.

Let’s face it. I can tell you 1,000 reasons why I am feeling under pressure but the truth is I supply all the pressure. I know I am not alone in this. Countless numbers of you have commiserated with us in this community about the pressures of being the best of everything for everyone else. It’s like a syndrome so many of us moms have.

So, today, as I stand on this pile of leaves I am asking myself, what if I try to be the best of everything for me?

I broke today.

So, tomorrow I will start again and maybe, just maybe, I can be kinder and more gentle with myself.

Join me?

The Yes Half Hour

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Ok guys you may have seen the awesome post going around about (one of my all time favs) Jennifer Garner‘s Yes Day?

Well with 5 kids and a tiny little budget it seemed out of reach. But I think I just invented the next best thing.

The YES HALF HOUR.

Here’s how it worked for me. Sam has been dying to buy new Halloween decorations but we never got to it this weekend.

So last night I decided I was going to make this dream a priority and I told him I’d pick him up from school and we’d go right from there.

I said yes. I also created anticipation which is part of the fun.

At the bus stop we talked about what a budget meant and how he’d have to make some choices and that he should think about what he most wanted (a spooky grave) and off he went.

He was beside himself with joy when he came out of school. And as we pulled up to the store he asked if he could pick out a scary dinner too.

I said yes.

And decided I was going to say yes to whatever he wanted as we shopped as long as it was within reason.

The joy in this kid the whole time we were shopping was awesome.

Yes to mummy hot dogs.

Yes to two kinds of Doritos.

Yes to Halloween themed mini soda cans.

Yes to the army guy Halloween costume.

Yes to the french toast bagels.

Yes to the strawberry cream cheese.

Yes to those annoying string spider webs that will never come out of my bushes.

Yes to him…my boy.

He was a gem the whole time and felt like a million dollars walking into the house and getting cheers from the big kids for the awesome dinner he picked out (last nights homemade chili didn’t get the same reaction, but I digress).

He felt heard and proud and loved being in charge.

I now have a secret plan in my head that each of these crazies will get an impromptu yes half hour sometime this year. I like long time lines, I’m much more successful when I give myself time.

Also the half hour stretched to almost an hour when we hit the checkout so thanks to Erin for picking up my runner and reading my giant play-by-play texts of what occurred to make it take forever. #bfftherapy#ialwayspickthewronglane

And Sam learned to read the words “Snack Mix” while we waited so still a win.

Here’s to the YES HALF HOUR my friends. It can happen anywhere and any time. You don’t have to be a planner or a millionaire and I’m guessing you’ll be a little less tired afterward then our friend Jen looked to be.

We can all rock the yes for a half hour and the look on our kids faces will make us feel cooler than a Hollywood mom (I’m guessing).

yes half hour

This post was also featured in:

Huffington Post

Pop Sugar

Baby Center

Cafe Mom

Babble

This on is in French! Magicmaman

We Need to Look Up

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As we walked into the house a few nights ago my smallest boy suddenly laid down on the sidewalk as we were walking into the house.

Look up mom! He said. I can see the stars.

And with that…he echoed what has been on my heart for weeks. Why don’t we just look up?

We are a people that walk around looking down. I see it everywhere and worst of all I see it in myself.

I love my phone but it can tie me up and blindfold me in an instant if I let it and all too often I do.

I need to look up and actually, we might all need to.

Look up, I say to my teenage kids as they scroll through their phones, oblivious to life around them. “One more snap they say, I’m talking here” and I know in their own way they are, but really what’s so bad about using your voice?

Look up, I remind myself as I do the same. Trying to squeeze in one last text or email during dinner making and homework. Trying to read one more article. Trying to connect in a way as I disconnect in another.

Look up, I want to say to the driver in the lane next to me eyes buried in a cell phone. For the love look up, I want us all to make it home.

Look up, I whisper to the mom taking her kiddo for a walk, looking down at a device in her hand as she pushes a stroller (clearly more coordinated than me). There is so much around you if only you would see it.

Look up, all of you people walking into stores and buildings and homes, lest you become a youtube sensation after tripping into a fountain or lest you miss your life.

Because I fear we are missing too much of it my friends.

How many times have I missed seeing the world around me because I was looking down?

How much of my life is going by as I scroll through newsfeeds and emails and funny memes?

How many times have I missed seeing the stars?

And how many times have I missed seeing my children’s sweet faces as they look at me longing to be seen?

All because I am not looking up at what is important and instead am looking down at something that is fleeting and does not love me and will not bring me joy.

So today, I will look up. I will see their faces and look into their eyes and I will point out the stars to them as we look up.

Look up and out and see this glorious real life, with no filters but love and a grateful heart.